Title: In Amor, Vis Vires; WIP, 4 of 8

Author: Andrea
Rating: R, but eventually NC-17
Category: MSR, S, MT, Mulder POV
Disclaimer: Whatever, sue me.
Notes: Thanks to Angela, Aly, Jewel and Dan for beta reading.

I'd also like to thank Pam for her help with all things English,
especially the football jargon. Go Everton!
A special thanks to Lari for her medical expertise, as well.
Also, I forgot to thank Tamra for all of her help with chapter
3. Sorry, Tamra, you helped me a lot.
Archiving: I'd be honoured, but I'd also like
to know.
Spoilers: Through season six
Feedback: Yes, please! ardywyn@hotmail.com


If you are missing the first three chapters you can find them
on my webpage:  http://members.rogers.com/faloona4/amorindex.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room was dark except for the faint light from the distant
stars in the night sky when I woke. The air outside of the
covers was cool and the only sound I could hear was Scully's
gentle breathing. It took me a few seconds to realize it was my
bladder that had awakened me. The bed, with Scully beside me,
was extremely comfortable. Instead of waking her I lay very
still so I could enjoy the feeling of her body next to mine.

Some time after we'd fallen asleep she'd moved closer to me and
was now clinging to my arm like a child holds a teddy bear. Lying
on her side with her knees drawn up, she almost looked like a
child, but the softness of her breasts against my arm betrayed
her true age.

As my eyes became accustomed to the lack of light in the room, I
was able to see the serene expression on her face. Her pale skin
shimmered in the darkness; her eyes flitted behind almost
translucent lids in the midst of what I hoped was a tranquil
dream. Had it not been for the gash in my belly I would have
rolled to my side and pressed a tender kiss against her full,
slightly-parted lips.

Most of the time Scully seemed so remote; keeping her feelings
closely guarded. But earlier, during the shave, for a split
second I thought I'd finally seen how she felt about me. I
could have been mistaken. I was probably only seeing her concern
for my health, but it felt like something deeper. Maybe there was
a chance, at long last, I might be able to break through to her.
After she'd rebuffed me the last time I'd confessed my feelings,
I was going to need more than a split second before I'd be
willing to open myself up to her again.

When I decided my bladder wouldn't stretch any further, I reached
across my chest with my left hand, Scully was still clutching my
right arm, and caressed her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open
immediately.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was sleep-roughened. She hadn't noticed
that she was hugging my arm.

"I have to use the bathroom again -- sorry."

"That's okay." I watched her face as she realized she was holding
onto my arm. She looked vaguely embarrassed as she released it
quickly and sat up. "By tomorrow night you might be able to do
this on your own."

She maneuvered me into position quickly. We'd done this so many
times it was starting to get easy. Even though I hadn't had any
pain medication in a while there was no shot of burning pain when
Scully helped me to my feet.

"I think I can walk on my own," I ventured as I began to shuffle
toward the bedroom door.

"Okay, but I'll still go with you, just in case."

The trip took almost no time at all, even without Scully's help.
I seemed to be improving rapidly. Before I got back into bed
Scully inquired about my pain.

"Just a dull ache," I shrugged it off.

"I'd like to give you a shot anyway, mostly in interest of
making sure you get your rest. I don't want you waking up an hour
from now in agony. During the day tomorrow we can see how long
you can last without a shot, okay?"

"If that's what you think is best," I acquiesced.

"Are you sure you're all right? You aren't generally this
submissive." She sounded more amused than concerned.

"I'm just agreeing -- it would be better to test my endurance
when I would normally be awake than when I should be sleeping."

"I guess I'm not used to you agreeing with me," she chuckled as
she went to get the syringe.

"I agree with you when you're right," I muttered.

"You mean when you'll admit I'm right," she replied dryly,
tugging my boxers down.

I almost expected a bit more of a jab from the needle in
retaliation, but I should have known better from Scully. Even if
she was a little ticked off, she would never let it interfere
with the level of care she gave me.

Once she'd helped me back into bed, Scully went back to the
bathroom, saying she might as well since she was up. By the time
she returned I was already drifting off.

"Sleep well," she said softly as she slid into the bed.

"I will with you beside me," I said to myself, or thought I had.

"Do you sleep better with someone in the bed?" She sounded
surprised.

"Depends on the someone."

"Well I'm glad you're comfortable enough with me that I can help
you rest. You need it. Good night, Mulder."

"Night, Scully."

Before sleep overtook me I had to wonder what it was going to
take to convince Scully she was special to me. Words obviously
weren't enough. I was going to have to give her what she was
always asking for -- hard evidence.

The next time I woke the bedroom was filled with early morning
light. I was surprised to find Scully still in bed with me. I
thought she would have been up at first light. She wasn't
clinging to me though -- this time I was snuggled up to her. She
was lying on her right side facing away from me. She was almost
at the edge of the bed and my shoulder was pressed against her
back. I'd assumed from the way she'd been holding my arm she was
a snuggler. But it looked like she'd been trying to get away from
me, so I guess I was wrong.

Thanks to the shot Scully'd given me in the middle of the night,
I was completely pain free. Since she seemed to be sleeping so
peacefully and I was feeling so good, I decided to try to get out
of bed on my own.

After scooting back to my side of the bed, I rolled to my left
side and started to ease myself into a sitting position by
pushing up with my left arm. Expecting to feel at least some
pain, I took my time and tried not to use my abdominal muscles.
I was both relieved and surprised when I ended up on my feet and
had experienced no pain at all.

It felt positively liberating to be heading to the bathroom on
my own. I was feeling so energetic I took the time to brush my
teeth before I left the bathroom. When I got back to the bedroom
Scully was still sound asleep and it occurred to me that she
probably needed as much as rest as I did -- maybe more.

In an instant I decided to do something for Scully to show her
how much I appreciated what she'd done for me. It wasn't hard to
find the kitchen in the small cottage. In the tiny refrigerator,
which looked more like a beer fridge to me, I found some orange
juice and after some rummaging I found the bread and butter.

In five minutes I'd whipped up a gourmet breakfast of toast and
juice for Scully. After shuffling back to the bedroom, I set the
plate and glass down on the nightstand on her side of the bed.
The clinks of the dishes made her open her eyes. After blinking
sleepily a few times, her eyes flew open.

"Mulder! What are you doing? How did you get out of bed?"

"I'm fine. I'll get back into bed now."

"I should have known you'd do something like this." She pressed
her lips tightly together and shook her head.

"I'm shuffling as fast as I can." I didn't want to admit to her
that although I wasn't feeling any pain, my legs were beginning
to feel very rubbery. As I rounded the foot of the bed I felt so
weak I had to stop and put my hand on the wall for balance. But
it wasn't enough. My legs wouldn't support me anymore and I
slowly sank to my knees. Scully was out of bed and at my side in
a flash. After she'd helped me to my feet I had to lean on her
heavily as I walked. She said nothing to me until she had me
safely in the bed again, propped up by many pillows.

"Mulder, what were you thinking?" There was no amusement in her
voice.

"I was trying to do something for you -- to show you how much I
appreciate what you've done for me. I wanted to say thank you."

"Oh, Mulder." Her face melted instantly and she sat down beside
me. "If you felt like you had to thank me, I wish you'd have
waited until you were stronger." She had picked up my hand and
was squeezing it gently.

"I felt really good when I woke up," I tried to explain.

"That's because you've been feeling so bad, as soon as you start
to feel a little better you think you've completely recovered.
You still have to take it easy." Her hand was now brushing some
hair off my forehead and I knew she wasn't angry with my anymore.

"It was the last little bit that put me over the edge. Up until
then I was fine."

"If you promise to take it easy for a while, I'll let you try
again, but with me there, okay?"

"Okay. When?"

"After lunch I have to give you another sponge bath, maybe after
that."

I nodded distractedly, I was busy panicking about another sponge
bath. How could I face that again? No number of horrific images
running through my head would stop me from getting another
erection. Just the thought of Scully washing me was enough to
start my blood flowing south.

"Would you like some porridge for breakfast?" Her question
interrupted my dismay.

"Actually, I'd like you to eat what I made for you first."

"Okay," she smiled softly down at me, her hand now resting on my
shoulder. "And I knew you appreciated what I'd done. You didn't
have to risk setting yourself back to prove it to me, but thank
you."

"Does that mean I might be able to talk you into some bacon, eggs
and toast?" I pleaded as best as I could with my eyes.

"Oh, so now the truth comes out," she laughed as she got up and
walked around to her side of the bed. "You were trying to bribe
me with this breakfast."

"Would I do something like that?" I gasped in righteous
indignation.

"Yes, you would and no you can't have bacon and eggs, but I could
make you some scrambled eggs for lunch."

"It a deal!" I grinned, patting my stomach in anticipation. "And
I want to apologize for last night," I added quickly.

"Last night?" she repeated as she picked up a piece of toast.

"Yeah, I didn't know you didn't like to be touched while you
were sleeping. I almost pushed you off the bed."

"Oh, it wasn't that, Mulder. I was worried I was going to roll
over and smack you in the stomach, but every time I moved, you
inched your way over so you were pressed up against me again."

"I like to snuggle," I shrugged, but I felt myself blushing.

"I noticed, and I usually do too, whether the other person wants
to or not. Missy used to hate sleeping with me. She'd either end
up pressed up against the wall or hanging off the edge of the bed
trying to get away from me."

"That's funny, I would've pegged Missy as the snuggler."

"I think it was her independent nature, even then. As soon
as my parents agreed, she moved to a room in the basement. Bill
ended up building most of the room, since Ahab was at sea so
much. It really pissed him off that she got the room. But she
was the oldest and she never let him forget."

"And you got your own room out of it," I smiled. "Poor old
Bill, no wonder he's so bitter." Scully rarely talked about
her family, but I found the few glimpses she allowed me were very
entertaining and enlightening. Even though she'd had a military
upbringing, hers was a far more normal childhood than mine was.

Once Scully had finished her gourmet meal she made my breakfast.
It was the best porridge I'd ever tasted. I was surprised to
discover that she'd even drizzled some sort of syrup over it.
When she caught me licking off my spoon, she chuckled.

"Good?"

"Delicious!" I gushed, still licking my lips.

"A starving man is easy to please," she shrugged, but from the
way her eyes shone and from the smile she was trying to suppress,
I could tell my compliment had pleased her.

After breakfast I dozed on and off while Scully did some cleaning
around the cottage. It didn't seem like very long until I had to
use the bathroom again. Since I could hear Scully in the kitchen
washing dishes, I decided to get out of bed on my own again. It
turned out to be even easier than the morning. When I reached the
doorway I called out to Scully. She appeared in the kitchen
doorway holding a dishtowel and a plate.

"Thought I'd let you know I was heading to the bathroom -- again."

"Okay," she laughed. "Let me know if you need anything."

I was feeling quite good again so I decided to stand to pee, but
I made sure I put the seat down again. I didn't want Scully to
find out I wasn't following the doctor's orders. While I was
washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin
seemed to have improved over the sallow shade it was the day
before. It was a little pinker and my eyes seemed more alert.
Although my face was bristly again, I decided I could wait until
my hands were steadier before I tried to shave on my own. Having
Scully shaving me was nice, but I didn't want to torture myself
by having her that close again, when I knew I wasn't allowed to
touch. Scully was too preoccupied with not cutting me to notice
the effect she'd had on me. If she were to shave me again, I'm
not sure if I'd be able to stop myself from kissing her. Her lips
had been so close yesterday I could practically taste them --
almost feel their lushness against mine. It had taken every
ounce of my willpower not to pull her close and devour those
lips. How was I going to make it through another sponge bath?

"Are you okay in there, Mulder?" Scully was just outside the
door.

"Yeah, I was just looking at myself," I told her as I opened the
door.

"And?" she wondered, a hint of mirth in her voice.

"I look better than I did yesterday."

"Yes, you do." She fell in beside me as I headed back to the
bedroom. "Now that you're finally awake, you seem to be
recovering quickly."

"I feel a hundred percent better than yesterday."

"Good," she beamed. "How's your pain?"

"Almost nonexistent -- a slight ache maybe." It was definitely
an ache, but nothing I couldn't deal with.

"Okay, but I'll need to give you your antibiotics," she explained
as she helped me back into the bed.

I held up my hand like a good little boy while she hooked the
needleless syringe up to the port in my hand and gave me the
shot.

"Don't be a hero about the pain, Mulder. You won't heal as
quickly if your body has to deal with pain, too."

"It aches a little, Scully, but I don't think it warrants
medication. I wouldn't take an aspirin for this if it was a
muscle ache."

Seemingly happy with my explanation Scully turned to leave the
room again.

"Um, Scully?" I stopped her.

Eyebrows raised, she turned to face me again.

"Is there anything to read and did you bring my glasses?"

"Yes and yes. Hang on, I'll be right back."

So while Scully finished the dishes and did some laundry, I
poured over a paper that was a few days old. Since it was The
Daily Telegraph, my favorite paper while I'd been at Oxford, I
didn't care that it wasn't today's edition. Most of my classmates
had carried around The Times, but I'd often catch them ogling
'the page two girl' in the stacks.

I immediately turned to the sports section. Although I hadn't
been intrigued by cricket, I'd followed football closely while
I was here. Phoebe's loyalties had shifted between Tottenham
Hotspur and Arsenal, depending on who was doing better at the
time. I, on the other hand, had picked one team and stuck with
them. Phoebe had scoffed at my choice of Everton, claiming the
London clubs were better. I'd almost picked Liverpool, but I
thought people would assume I'd picked them because of The
Beatles. Everyone and his brother supported Manchester United
and I wasn't a big Rod Stewart fan, so I picked a team I'd never
heard of. As it turned out, Everton was a Liverpool club, too,
but by the time I found that out, I'd gotten to know most of the
players. Besides, I hadn't wanted to be thought of as a
fair-weather fan. One in any relationship was enough.

One of my favourite memories with Phoebe was attending a match
with her. Everton was in London playing Arsenal, whom Phoebe
happened to be supporting at the time. She'd gotten tickets for
us and we'd made a weekend out of it. She went wearing her
Arsenal red and white, but I went in a typical oxford blue
shirt. Just as we were approaching the gate I pulled my blue and
white Everton jersey out of my backpack, knowing we wouldn't be
allowed to sit together. Phoebe watched in shocked disbelief as
I was funneled off towards the visitor's seating. She'd seethed
for the rest of the weekend, partly because I'd had the nerve to
want to support a different club, but mostly because Everton had
ended up winning the match.

When Scully appeared in the bedroom with our lunch I was reading
about Everton's recent loss. They weren't doing as well as they
had been in the early eighties, but I'd never shift my loyalties.

"You even find sports to read about in English papers?" Scully
peeked at what I was reading.

"I have some good memories associated with this club," I smiled,
but I didn't go into the details.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Pretty much any sport with
a round ball huh, Mulder?" she laughed. "But if you want your
lunch you'll have to put the paper down."

Once I'd folded the paper and set it down Scully presented me
with my lunch; a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs and an entire
piece of toast.

"Real food!" I was almost giddy.

Scully just smiled while she watched me devour the meal. She had
a plate of eggs, too. In fact, I couldn't recall seeing her eat
anything she wouldn't let me eat, aside from what I'd made her.
Trust Scully to think about me first. Most people wouldn't be
so thoughtful.

After she'd cleared away our dishes, she announced it was time
for the sponge bath. I'd been so caught up in the sports page
I'd forgotten all about it.

"I was thinking, Scully," I spoke up before she left the room.
"If I'm going to get up and walk around, wouldn't it be better
to have the bath after? In case I get sweaty."

"I doubt you'll get sweaty, but we can do that," she shrugged.

With Scully at my side, I did a slow turn around the cottage. It
was tiny, but even so I was getting worn out by the time we
circled around to the bathroom. After I made a quick pit stop,
she helped me back to the bedroom. I'd managed to put off the
inevitable for about fifteen minutes.

I stopped her again before she left to get the basin and towels.

"Why can't I just take a bath -- in the tub?"

"Because it's upstairs and there is no way you're strong enough
to climb stairs yet."

"There's a shower stall in the downstairs bathroom," I pointed
out.

"You shouldn't get your incision wet," she paused for a second
and looked at me sharply. "Are trying to avoid the sponge bath?"

I couldn't meet her eyes, so I stared at my fingernails instead.

"What's wrong?" her voice was gentle. "What are you afraid to
say?"

My ears started to burn as I grew more embarrassed. How could I
tell Scully I didn't want her to see me get another huge hard-on?

"Are you embarrassed because you got an erection when I gave you
that bath yesterday?" She cut right to the chase; not being one
to pull her punches.

I nodded, still not looking at her.

"It's a perfectly normal reaction, Mulder. In fact, I was happy
to see it." She laughed when I looked up with must have been a
look of utter shock on my face.

"It proved I hadn't injured you with the catheter. I know all of
the techniques, Mulder, but it's been a while since I've had to
use them." she reminded me.

"So other men you've had to bathe have had erections like mine?"
I wanted to be sure.

"Well...I've never actually given anyone a sponge bath before.
We were taught how to do it, but the nurses usually handle that
part of patient care. The instructor said it was very common for
men to get erections during sponge baths though."

So Scully thought my erection was totally unrelated to her. I
briefly considered letting her continue to think that, but I was
terrified that if she touched my cock again, I might actually
come.

"What is it, Mulder?" Scully sat down beside me. My indecision
must have been apparent on my face.

"When you were told it was normal, Scully, I don't think they
meant the kind of hard-on I had," I confessed, my ears burning
again.

"What do you mean?" she furrowed her brow.

I took a deep breath. "I mean, your instructor probably meant
'don't get your panties in a twist if you see some reaction when
you're washing a man's penis'."

"Isn't that what I just said?" she still looked confused.

"I had a raging hard-on, Scully, not a little bit of stirring."
My ears felt red-hot.

"So you reacted differently -- I wasn't offended."

"What if there had been a different reason for my erection?" I'd
had some strange conversations with Scully in the past, but this
was, by far, the strangest.

"A different reason?"

I could tell she wasn't following me. It wouldn't come as a
surprise to her that I was in love with her. I'd told her before
and at the time she'd made it apparent the feeling was not
mutual.

She did love me in her own way, but it wasn't the way I wanted.
If I'd been right that she'd started to feel something deeper,
there was a chance this conversation might scare her off. I don't
think she had any idea about the depth of my feelings for her.
My fear was she would react badly to finding out how thoroughly
she aroused me. My being in love with her was one thing, being
faced with the sexual reality of my feelings was a completely
different matter. The only problem was I couldn't think of any
way to talk her out of this sponge bath, so I plunged forward.
It was time to sink or swim.

She was sitting beside me waiting patiently for me to answer her
question, so I took another long slow breath.

"What is the normal reason for an erection?"

I could see her start to formulate her 'Dr. Scully' answer when
I saw by her face that she finally understood what I meant and
her eyebrows skyrocketed.

"What are you saying exactly, Mulder?" Her cheeks had become
flushed.

"I'm saying you caused my erection, Scully. You know how I feel
about you. I couldn't help it -- I'm sorry." My cheeks had
probably become the same hue of pink hers had.

"How you feel about me? There's been a lot of innuendo, Mulder,
but nothing I've taken seriously. You behave that way with a lot
of women."

"I don't tell a lot of women I love them," I pointed out.

"But you were -- you had a -- I thought --" Her eyes grew wide.

"I knew exactly what I was saying." I looked directly into her
shocked blue eyes. My own expression must have soon mirrored hers
as the distance between us began to close.

Before our lips actually met, I closed my eyes in anticipation.
As soon as her mouth touched mine, I parted my lips. My heart
leapt when I felt her tongue against mine. In an instant my hands
were in her hair; my head rising off the pillow in order to get
more contact. Our tongues, no longer tentative, were exploring,
tasting and caressing. When we finally had to part to catch our
breath, Scully drew back to look at me. Her pupils were dilated
and her hair was messed up from my hands. Her cheeks were still
pink and glowing and her lips seemed fuller and were slightly
moist. Aside from the hair, I'm sure I looked the same.

"You didn't slug me," I grinned broadly at her.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Last time we kissed like that you slugged me."

"Mulder, we have *never* kissed like that before," she shook her
head. "You must be thinking of someone else."

"It was you, Scully; on the Queen Anne." I told her in an even
voice.

"Oh, the 1939 Scully?" she chuckled.

"Yeah, her," I nodded. "I wonder why she hit me. Do I kiss that
badly?"

"Well, I can only speak for myself," Scully lowered her voice,
"but I think you kiss quite well."

"You think I'm a good kisser?" I suddenly felt very proud of
myself.

"Well, let me double check," she smiled slyly and leaned in to
kiss me once more.

This kiss lasted a little longer, allowing me time to nibble
and tug on her full lips. We were both practically panting when
we pulled apart this time. My lips missed hers instantly.

"Definitely a great kisser," her smile made my stomach flip-
flop.

"They say third time's the charm, Scully," I waggled my eyebrows
at her. "But come a little closer this time. I want to feel your
body against mine."

"I can't Mulder; not with that incision. I might hurt you."

Her words hit me like a bombshell. It hadn't even occurred to me.
How long was it going to be before Dr. Scully declared me fit for
duty? Of course when Scully and I finally ended up on the same
page, there had to be a brand new obstacle to overcome.


end chapter 4

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