Title: A Little Inspiration (1/2)



Author: Andrea



Rating: NC-17



Category: MSR, Mulder POV, Scully angst



Disclaimer: Whatever!



Spoilers: Through Amor Fati.



Archiving: I'd be honoured.



Feedback: I'm begging, really! ardywyn@hotmail.com



Notes: Thanks to Dan, Aly and Jemirah, your unique talents

are my saving grace. And thanks to Kell and Mara for much

needed moral support.



A special thanks goes to Angela W., who gave me pemission

to steal her story idea from "Aunt Dana's Daddy". It was

my little inspiration for this story!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The past week had been strange. Scully had been leaving work

promptly at five every day, with no explanation. Just a cheerful

"Goodnight, Mulder. I'll see you tomorrow," and then she'd be

gone. It drove me around the bend. I was beside myself, dying to 

know what she was up to.



Any sane man would have just asked her what was going on, but not

me. No, I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to follow her, and I

learned nothing. She drove straight to her mother's place and

stayed there all night. I know, because I sat in my car in the

pouring rain until all of the lights in Mrs. Scully's house went

out.



The following day at work everything seemed normal. Scully

greeted me cheerfully and even offered to buy my lunch. Feeling

starved for her attention, I accepted immediately. Even though

she'd been at work every day, I felt like I'd barely seen her.

Lunch was nice. We chatted and laughed primarily about office

politics, but I didn't care. It was great just to talk to Scully.

All afternoon we did paperwork, which, contrary to popular

opinion, is what constitutes the majority of our workload. Then,

promptly at five, Scully packed up, wished me a nice weekend and

breezed out of the office.



I must have sat there for at least an hour feeling sorry for

myself. Apparently Scully had something going on in her life--

something that was keeping her busy--and this something didn't

include me.



Resolving that I, too, could have a life, I closed the file that

I'd been working on and headed home.



Normally on a Friday night I'd have ordered a pizza and then just

lounged around. I might watch some B movies on the Sci-Fi channel,

and maybe give Scully a call, just to shoot the breeze. That

night, however, I was too restless to watch TV, so I ended up

cleaning my apartment and doing my laundry. At about 10 o'clock,

as I was folding towels, it occurred to me how pathetic I was,

resorting to doing laundry and housework on a Friday night, just

to pass the time. The whole situation was ridiculous. Tomorrow

I would call Scully and ask her what was up. Making this decision

made me feel a hundred percent better and I went back to my

housework with a renewed vigour.



When I finally settled back onto the couch it was after

midnight, but my apartment hadn't been this clean since I'd gotten

back from area 51. The TV was already on the Sci-Fi channel, so

I hunkered down to watch a B movie classic - "Attack of the Bee

Girls".



It seemed that my chores had taken their toll on me, because I

don't think I made it to the first commercial. When I woke up,

the sun was shining brightly into my living room. Since it was

the weekend, I went for an extra-long run then took an extra-

long shower and I ended up extra hungry. It was then that I

remembered that during my cleaning spree I had thrown out pretty

much everything in my fridge, except for some pickles and a jar

of relish.



So I decided to hit the market. I'm not sure how long it had been

since I'd visited a grocery store on a Saturday morning, but it

would be a long, long time before it ever happened again. It was

bedlam; screaming children, screaming parents, displays crashing

to the floor, people trying to get me to sample their products.

I thought I'd never get out of there. When I finally managed to

collect the few things that I'd come for, I had to spend another

half hour in the check out line. I couldn't even blame it on the

fact that all of the registers weren't going- every lane was open.



By the time I got home, I was almost faint with hunger. Slapping

peanut butter on some whole wheat bread, I wolfed down the

sandwich in three bites and then made another. After drinking a

glass of milk, my stomach began to realize that there was some

food in it.



After I put the groceries away, I checked the clock. It was

after one, so I called Scully's mom and got no answer. Then I

tried Scully at home and got no answer there, either. So much

for asking her what was going on, but I could always try her

again later. I had plenty of things to occupy my time.



It had been a while since I'd spent any quality time with the

Gunmen, so I drove over to the annex. Despite their initial jabs

about Scully's absence, the afternoon practically flew by, and

the guys even asked me to stay for pizza.



During the afternoon I had tried to call Scully, but I still didn't

get an answer at her place or her mother's. Leaving the Gunmen

shortly after eight, I decided to swing by Scully's, just to

have a gander.



When I pulled up in front of her place, her car was out front and

I could see lights on. Then I started to get worried. Why hadn't

she been answering her phone? I tried her number again, but she

still didn't answer. My next move seemed obvious - I'd have to

go and check out her apartment. Of course, she could just be

having phone trouble, but I had to be sure.



Once I was at her door, I knocked a couple of times, but I didn't

hear anything. So I let myself in and called her name.



"Is that you, Mulder?" I heard her call.



"Yeah, it's me. Where are you?"



"I'm in the bathroom. C'mon in."



It hadn't occurred to me that Scully might be sick. Opening the

door slowly, I peeked into the bathroom. Scully was kneeling

beside the bathtub. She looked up at me and smiled. In the tub,

in a few inches of water and a lot of bubbles, sat a small, fair-

haired boy. Scully's nephew Matthew was my best guess. Lifting

one chubby hand out of the water, he pointed at me.



"Zat?"



"That's Mulder, Matthew," Scully told him as she gently pushed

his arm down.



"Muller," Matthew repeated and then went back to his toys.



"Was that you on the phone, Mulder?"



I nodded in answer.



"I'm sorry that I couldn't answer. I was in here," she apologized.



"That's okay. I understand," I assured her.



"What's up? Is something wrong?" She looked up at me

questioningly.



"No, I've been trying to get a hold of you all day to ask you

something, but I have my answer."



She furrowed her brow, "Are you going to enlighten me?"



"I was just wondering where you kept dashing off to all week, and

now I know," I told her nonchalantly.



"Yeah, Tara and Bill are having a second honeymoon. They haven't

had a vacation since Matthew was born. My mom and I agreed to

watch him. I went to her place after work every day. It's been

a while since she had a two and a half year old to deal with for

any length of time. She had plans for this weekend before Bill

called, so Matthew's all mine until Bill and Tara come back

tomorrow night," Scully explained.



"Why didn't you say anything?" I wondered.



"I didn't want to bore you with the goings-on of my family,

Mulder."



"You wouldn't have bored me, Scully," I contradicted.



Scully was about to say something else when Matthew interrupted.



"Boat," he said looking straight at me.



"That's a very nice boat, big guy," I smiled at him.



"Pay?" he asked.



I looked to Scully for translation.



"No, Matthew, Mulder doesn't have time to play," she told him

gently.



Matthew's bottom lip began to protrude.



"Of course I have time to play. What else would I do on a

Saturday night?"



"You don't have to, Mulder," Scully said quietly.



"No, I want to, Scully. Do you have any idea how long it's been

since I played boats in the tub?" I knelt down beside her.



"I dunno, Mulder, a couple of days?" she grinned.



"At least," I nodded, returning her grin.



As I began to push one of the boats through the bubbles, Scully

stood up and stretched. Then she leaned over to whisper in my

ear. I don't think that she realized that her breasts were

pushing against my back. It felt heavenly.



"Do you mind if I go and straighten up the kitchen. I haven't had

time to clean up from supper."



"Go right ahead, Scully. Matthew and I will be just fine. Won't

we, big guy?"



Matthew clapped his little hands. "Muller pay!"



"Thanks, Mulder," Scully whispered in my ear. "I have no idea how

single parents manage."



So, Matthew and I navigated our boats around the tub. One of my

boats got stuck in a large mass of bubbles and had to be

rescued by the rubber duck. I was just about to call Scully and

tell her that I thought that the water was getting a little cool

when she appeared in the bathroom with a big fluffy towel.



"Okay, Matthew, it's time to get ready for bed," she told him,

smiling.



He wasn't too happy about the prospect of bed, but Scully soon

distracted him by tickling him as she dried him off. Watching the

way Scully was interacting with her nephew had two affects on me.

For some reason, I found that it served to increase my desire for

her, but at the same time it filled me with a profound sadness.

I still blame myself for what happened to her. The look on my

face must have betrayed my feelings.



"Something wrong?" Scully asked. She had Matthew bundled up in

the towel and was leaving the bathroom.



"Nope," I smiled. "Just thinking. I'll drain the tub and rinse

off these toys."



"Thanks, Mulder," she smiled gratefully at me. "There's a box

for them over there." She nodded towards the space between the

tub and the toilet.



When I'd finished in the bathroom, I took off my shoes and put

them by the front door. Then I went into the living room and

flopped down on the couch. I was going to have to be careful

around Scully, she could read me so easily. As I sat there I

could hear her talking in the bedroom. She was speaking in

soothing tones. It was making *me* sleepy. Then Matthew's little

voice piped up.



"Sing!"



Scully's low voice began a lullaby.



"No!" Matthew protested. "Sing!"



I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. As I got up to walk

to the bedroom, I heard Scully trying to bargain.



"Why don't I just tell you a story?"



"Sing," Matthew whimpered.



I knocked softly on the door. "I could try singing to him,

Scully."



"Muller sing?" Matthew sounded hopeful.



"Are you sure, Mulder?" I could hear her walking towards the door.



I opened it and popped my head in. "Yeah, I'm sure. Why don't you

just sit on the couch and relax for a while?"



She smiled softly, "I really don't know how to thank you, Mulder."



"Don't worry about it, my pleasure," I assured her.



"Actually, Mulder," she lowered her voice, making my stomach

tingle, "Would you mind if I had a bath? I haven't had one yet

today and-"



"Of course not!" I interrupted her. "Go! Have your bath!"



"Thank you so much, Mulder," she sighed.



As Scully collected her robe and a pair of her silk pajamas, I

sat on the bed beside Matthew. In the corner of the room I caught

sight of a crib, which I assumed that she'd rented for Matthew's

visit. She saw me looking at it.



"He prefers the bed," she shrugged.



"You're such a soft touch, Scully," I accused her.



"Shut up, Mulder," she tried unsuccessfully to hide her smile as

she left the room.



When I turned back to Matthew, he was looking up at me from his

cocoon of blankets, expectantly.



"What do you want me to sing?" I asked him.



"Sing," he answered.



"Anything?"



Having no idea what to sing to a two and a half year old, I

decided to start with "Mockingbird". I laid down beside him and

started to sing. It didn't seem to make him sleepy at all. He

just kept grinning at me. Then I tried "Blowin' in the Wind", but

that didn't work either. I remembered starting "This Land is your

Land", but the next thing I knew, something was poking my eyes.



Opening one eye to see what was going on, I saw Matthew sitting

beside me, his face a-light with a big open mouth smile. Sunlight

was streaming into the room and I'd been covered up with an afghan.

I guess I'd sung myself to sleep, too.



With Matthew's help, I managed to get him through the morning

bathroom routine and then we headed to the kitchen. On the way I

spotted Scully's sleeping form on the couch. I'd have to have a

chat with her about letting me rob her of her bed. I think that

taking care of Matthew was wearing her out, no matter how much

she was enjoying it. If Matthew and I were quiet in the kitchen,

maybe Scully could sleep in for a bit - assuming that she was

able to sleep at all on that couch.



"So, what do you want for breakfast, big guy?" I asked Matthew

quietly.



"Ohs," he told me earnestly.



"Ohs huh? Do you know where they are?"



"Dere," he pointed to a big yellow box on top of the fridge.



"Thanks, big guy. Now where are you going to sit?"



"Chair," he pointed towards the table.



"Silly me," I chuckled and went to sit him in a chair.



"No! Dere." He pointed to the chair on the opposite side of the

table.



"Okay." I walked around the table and pulled out the chair that

he'd pointed to. This one had a little blue plastic seat on it.



Soon both Matthew and I were sitting at the table eating cheerios

and drinking orange juice. I, however, did not have a cup with a

spout.



When I was finished I put my dishes in the dishwasher and began

to hunt around Scully's kitchen looking for coffee. Everything

that I needed was right above the coffee maker. I should have

figured, this was Scully after all - always organized to a T.



Just as the coffee began to fill the pot, Matthew announced that

he was done. The majority of the cheerios had made it into his

stomach, so clean up was easy.



"So Matthew, what do you think that your Aunt Dana would like for

breakfast?"



"Auntie Day," Matthew nodded.



"What would Auntie Day like for breakfast?" I repeated.



"Auntie Day," Matthew nodded again.



"Thanks for the help, big guy," I chuckled.



"Welcome," he grinned at me.



"Well, let's see what she has in the fridge."



"Down," Matthew demanded before I got to the fridge.



"Okay," I consented, "But you have to stay here with me. I want

to let Auntie Day sleep."



"Seep," he agreed.



So Matthew and I picked out some fruit and yogurt. Then I toasted

a bagel and spread a Scully amount of cream cheese on it. If it

had been for me, I would have been a lot more liberal. But I had

seen Scully scraping cream cheese off of enough bagels to know

how she liked them.



I found a tray, put the food on it and poured two cups of coffee,

both with cream, no sugar. It was just after nine. I figured that

Scully would be upset if I let her sleep much longer. Matthew must

have really worn her out. She was usually an early riser. As I was

picking up the tray, I heard Scully's voice from the living room.



"Did you make coffee, Mulder?"



"Yup," I smiled as I rounded the corner into the living room.



Scully's eyes grew wide when she saw me carrying the tray of the

food.



"Good morning, Auntie Day," I greeted her.



"Mulder, you shouldn't have. You've been so much help already,"

she protested.



Matthew had jogged ahead of me, crawled onto the couch beside

Scully and gave her a big hug.



"Good morning, Matthew," Scully smiled, returning his hug.



"Why didn't you wake me up, Auntie Day?" I asked as I set the tray

on the coffee table.



"You looked so cute, Mulder. I couldn't bring myself to disturb

you," she smiled.



"Well, at least I got him to sleep," I shrugged.



"I hate to break it to you, Mulder, but when I got out of the tub,

you were sound asleep and Matthew was sitting beside you. When I

peeked in, he grinned and said 'Muller seeping'", she laughed.



"So, how'd you get him to sleep?" I asked.



"I just told him that he should be sleeping too, and he laid

right down and closed his eyes," she explained. "Thanks for

making breakfast for me, Mulder."



While I drank my coffee and Scully ate her breakfast, Matthew got

down off of the couch and began to play with his toys.



"So what are your plans today, Scully?" I asked.



"Well, I was going to take Matthew to church and then, if it's

nice, I thought we could go to the park, like we did yesterday,"

she told me.



"Does the church have some sort of daycare?" I asked.



"They have a crying room, where the mass is piped in," she

explained.



"Wouldn't really be the same, would it?" I pointed out.



"It's better than missing church or having kids disrupting the

mass," she shrugged.



"Why don't you leave him here with me," I offered.



"You've already done too much, Mulder," she shook her tousled

head.



"I'm having a great time, Scully. I wouldn't offer if I wasn't

serious."



"Are you sure you could handle him?"



"I made it through the bathroom routine this morning and I fed

him breakfast. He still looks fairly healthy," I argued my case.



"You really wouldn't mind?"



"Not at all, Matthew and I are great buddies," I assured her.



A look crossed Scully's face that I had never seen before. It

almost looked like she was going to cry, but she was still

smiling.



"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."



"You're going to feed me, aren't you?" I asked.



"Of course I am," she rolled her eyes.



"Then we'll be even," I told her.



"I'll make you whatever you want for lunch when I get home from

church," she smiled. Then she leaned closer and lowered her voice.

"I'll even buy you ice cream at the park."



The tone of her voice made my stomach flip-flop. I couldn't say a

word, I could only stare. After a moment, Scully cleared her

throat.



"I should go and get ready or I'll be late. Thanks again for

breakfast, Mulder."



"It was the least I could do after I robbed you of your bed."



"Can't you just accept my thanks?" She shook her head as she up

from the couch.



"You're welcome, Scully," I smiled. "And thank you for letting me

sleep in your bed."



"You're welcome, Mulder," she laughed as she walked to the

bathroom.



I picked up the tray to take it to the kitchen. Matthew was

still playing quietly with his toys. After I put the dishes in

the dishwasher, I decided to pour myself another cup of coffee.

Then I thought that Scully might like another cup too.



She was still in the bathroom, so I knocked on the door.



"Would you like another coffee, Scully?"



"That would be nice," she answered and opened the door.



I held out the coffee.



"You knew I'd want one?" She laughed as she took the cup.



"I thought you might," I shrugged.



"Thank you, Mulder," she smiled.



"You're welcome," I remembered to answer, making her laugh again.



She was standing in front of the mirror putting on her make-up. I

just stood there and watched. After a minute she looked at me

with both eyebrows raised.



"Can I ask you a question?" I inquired quickly.



"Sure," she nodded.



"Why do you cover up your mole?"



"I guess I've always been self-conscious about it," she admitted.



I could understand how as a teenager she may not have liked it.



"Well, I like it. I don't think that you should cover it up."



"You like it?" she repeated.



"A lot of beautiful women have them."



Scully's eyes widened at my words. I couldn't believe that I'd

said that out loud. Now she would definitely know how I felt.

Before either of us could say anything else, Matthew came running

saying that he had to go to the bathroom. I welcomed the

distraction. When he finished, I asked Scully where his clothes

were. By the time that she was ready to get dressed, I had

Matthew dressed and out of her way.



We were sitting on the floor in the living room, playing with a

train when Scully emerged from the bedroom. I think I caught

myself from letting my mouth hang open. She was wearing a

lavender dress with a small matching jacket. She never dressed

like this for work. I guess it never occurred to me that she

would wear anything but understated business suits. I decided

then and there that there was a lot that I didn't know about

Dana Scully, and I, without a doubt, wanted to learn all there

was to know.



"Can I talk to you for a sec, Mulder?" She asked as she walked

towards the front door.



"Be right back, big guy," I said to Matthew as I got up.



"I probably won't be back til about one," Scully told me when I

met her by the door. I nodded.



"Could you give Matthew some lunch at about 12. There's some left

over spaghetti in the fridge. He'll be more than happy with that."



"Okay," I nodded again.



"After he eats, he'll be ready for a nap," she continued.



"I'll try not to fall asleep this time," I grinned.



"Okay," Scully laughed, "I'll see you around one. And I'm

bringing my phone, so you can call me if you need me."



"We'll be fine," I told her as I opened the door.



"I know," she smiled at me. It was then that I noticed that she

hadn't covered up her mole. Before I could stop myself, I had my

hand under her jaw and I was caressing her beauty mark with my

thumb.



"Beautiful," I heard myself say. It was all I could do not lean

over and kiss her. She was staring at me, standing perfectly still.

I let my hand fall to my side. "You should go, Scully. You don't

want to be late."



"Late," she nodded slowly and then she shook her head slightly.

"I'll make you a nice lunch when I come back," she promised.



"I'm counting on it," I grinned.



The tension that had been hanging in the air between us had

melted away.



"Okay, bye," she smiled.



My three hours alone with Matthew flew by. First we played with

every toy he had. Then I decided that we should find out what was

happening in the world of sports.



He climbed into my lap, and I spoke to him in a very serious tone 

of voice. "Now, Matthew," I began, "I'm not sure what your father

has told you, but the greatest basketball team in the entire

world is the New York Knicks."



"Knicks," Matthew repeated solemnly.



"That's right, big guy," I gave him a tickle, which made him squeal

with laughter. "And the greatest baseball team in the entire

world is the New York Yankees," I continued with my life lesson.



"Knicks!" Matthew clapped his hands.



I could only laugh. "Well, one out of two isn't bad for a start.

We'll have to work on it some more later." I gave him another

tickle.



After discovering that the Yanks had won their west coast game on

Saturday night, I began to channel surf. Matthew asked me to stop

on a program that featured what I could only describe as brightly

coloured rotund aliens. While he was occupied, I went to the

kitchen to get his lunch.



When his program ended, I heard the TV go off and he appeared in

the kitchen seconds later.



"Ready for lunch, big guy?"



"Lunch," he nodded as he climbed into his chair. "Sgetti," he

cried gleefully when I put his bowl in front of him. He looked

up at me. "Bib?"



"That's probably a good idea," I agreed.



Not being able to find a bib, I settled for tying an old tea

towel around him. It was a good thing, too, because as it turned

out, spaghetti, unlike the cheerios, ended up everywhere, even

though Matthew seemed to eat a lot of it.



When I finished cleaning him up, I took him to the bathroom and

then to Scully's room.



"Nap?" he asked.



"Yup," I smiled. "Want me to sing?"



"Sing," he nodded.



It only took "Mockingbird" to get him to sleep this time. After

closing the door quietly, I went to clean up the kitchen.



I had everything almost back to normal when I heard Scully

opening the door.



"How'd it go, Mulder" she asked as soon as she'd closed the door

behind her.



"Just fine," I came out of the kitchen to greet her. "He's sound

asleep. Be careful in the living room, there are toys everywhere."



"Okay," she laughed. "Are you ready for lunch?"



"You just got in the door, Scully. Why don't you relax for a bit

first?"



"Because I'm hungry," she informed me. "What would you like?"



"I dunno, whatever," I shrugged.



"How about a club sandwich?" she suggested.



"So you're finally getting around to making me that sandwich, are

you woman?" I tried to keep my face serious.



"Yeah, and I'm even wearing a nice little dress for you, Mulder,"

she laughed.



"Just get your pretty little ass into the kitchen and make me that

sandwich!"



From the way Scully raised her eyebrows at me, I thought that

maybe I'd stepped over the line. After she turned and headed into

the kitchen, I went into the living room and quickly picked up all

of the toys. Then I went back to the kitchen to see if Scully was

really pissed at me. She was standing with her back to me at the

counter, slicing a tomato and she'd put on a apron to protect her

dress.



"I was just teasing, you know, Scully?"



She must not have heard me come into the kitchen, because she

jumped when I spoke.



"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I rested my hand on her back.



"That's okay, I was just thinking. And I knew you were teasing,

Mulder. If I thought you weren't, you'd be making your own

sandwich."



"What were you thinking about?" I pried.



"Nothing," she shook her head. "My mother was very surprised to

hear that you were looking after Matthew, and very impressed."



I had the distinct impression that Scully had just changed the

subject.



"She wasn't worried?" I chuckled.



"No, she trusts you, Mulder. Just like I do," she smiled as she

started to wash some lettuce.



Soon we were both sitting at the table, me with a huge club

sandwich and Scully with a salad.



"Is that all you're having? I thought you were hungry?" I asked

as I looked from my sandwich to her salad.



"I am hungry, and this is plenty for me. Besides, I had a big

breakfast," she smiled.



"It wasn't *that* big. All you have there is some tomato and a

few lettuce leaves," I argued.



"I put half a can of tuna in it, too, Mulder. I know what I can

eat in a day, okay? Stop worrying about me."



"Okay," I agreed reluctantly.



When I finished my sandwich, I complimented Scully.



"It was just a sandwich, Mulder," she rolled her eyes.



"Hmm, just this morning someone was bugging me about accepting

thanks," I pointed out.



"Thank you, Mulder," she smiled, shaking her head. "And thank you

again for helping me with Matthew. I really appreciate it."



"It was my pleasure," I assured her.



"Well, Bill and Tara will be here at six. I should be okay on my

own for the rest of the day."



"Are you asking me to leave?" My good mood suddenly dissipated.



"I feel like I've already taken up far too much of your time,"

she explained.



"I thought we were going to get ice cream at the park," I said

dejectedly.



"Oh, Mulder," she laughed. "You can come to the park if you like.

I just didn't want you to waste your whole weekend."



"Scully, I'm not sure how I can get you to understand this, but

I'm enjoying myself. This has been the most fun I've had in

ages."



Suddenly Scully jumped up from the table. Excusing herself, she

walked quickly to the bathroom. Totally confused about what I'd

said or done to precipitate her running away, I just sat at the

table for a few minutes before I cleared away the lunch dishes.

The dishwasher was full, so I poured some soap into it and

started it.



I had no idea what to do next. I had obviously upset Scully, but

I had no idea how. Deciding that I should just go and ask her, I

walked to the bathroom and knocked gently on the door.



"Are you okay, Scully?" I asked quietly.



"I'm fine, Mulder," she answered.



"Scully," I protested her use of 'I'm fine'.



"Really, Mulder, I'm okay," she tried to assure me.



"What did I say?" I was still very confused.



The lock clicked and the door opened slowly, but Scully wouldn't

look at me. Putting a finger under her chin, I lifted her head.

She'd removed her make-up and her eyes and nose were still red

from her tears.



"God, Scully, I certainly didn't mean to make you cry," I

gathered her into my arms. "What did I say?" I repeated my

question.



"When you said that this was the most fun you'd had in ages, I

realized how much I'd enjoyed having Matthew here too, and that

made me remember..." her voice trailed off.



Hugging her tighter, I kissed the top of her head. "I didn't mean

to dredge up bad memories."



"As soon as my apartment was empty again, it all would have come

flooding back to me anyway, Mulder."



"I'm sorry, Scully." I tilted her head up again and pressed my

lips to her forehead.



"It's not your fault, Mulder," she smiled softly at me.



"I'm still sorry," I told her and then kissed the tip of her nose.

Once again I had the feeling that I was being drawn towards her.

I'm not sure if the distance between our lips was actually closing,

or if it just seemed that way. My eyes began to drift closed as I

prepared for our lips to meet.



The sound of knocking startled me out of my reverie.



"Matthew's up," Scully chuckled. "He can't reach the doorknob."



While Scully changed her clothes, I got Matthew ready and then

we all headed to the park.



It seemed like no time at all before Scully was saying it was

time to go. We'd had our ice cream and then I pushed Matthew on

the swings for a while. Then he sat in my lap while we went down

the slide a few times. We'd just come back to the bench where

Scully was sitting after we'd finished exploring a grove of trees

when she made the announcement. Both Matthew and I were pouting.



"Listen guys," she sighed. "It's 4:30. By 6:00 I have to get

Matthew fed and get all of his stuff packed."



"She's right, big guy, we have to go," I sighed heavily.



"Okay," Matthew sighed in turn, making Scully and I laugh.



Scully *was* right. Even with me trying to keep Matthew out of

her way while she packed, she'd barely finished when the knock

sounded on the door.



Bill and Tara were smiling when Scully opened the door. Bill's

smile faded when he saw me.



"Did you have a nice time?" Scully asked when she'd closed the

door.



"It was wonderful," Tara sighed. "How was Matthew?"



"Mommy," Matthew cried joyfully when he heard her voice. He'd

been busily playing with a pop up toy that Scully had left out

for him. He left it in the dust as he ran into his mother's arms.



"He was great, very well behaved," Scully smiled.



"As much fun as it was, I still missed you terribly, Matthew,"

Tara hugged him tightly.



Bill still hadn't said anything.



"Did you have fun with Auntie Dana and Grandma?" Tara asked.



"And Muller," Matthew nodded. "Muller sing."



Tara looked at us, clearly puzzled.



"Mulder stopped by last night when I was giving Matthew a bath.

They played boats for a while," Scully started to explain. "Then

when I was putting Matthew to bed, he wanted me to sing to him,

but he didn't like my singing, so Mulder offered to sing to him.



"Muller seep," Matthew added.



"Yeah, I only managed to sing myself to sleep," I admitted.



"I do that all the time," Tara laughed.



Bill remained silent.



"Then Mulder stayed here and watched Matthew while I went to

church," Scully continued. "He was a big help."



"We have to go or we'll miss our flight." It was the first thing

that Bill had said. Tara turned and glared at him.



"Thank you so much for watching Matthew, Dana," she held a bag

out to Scully.



"You didn't have to get me anything," Scully protested.



"It's the least we could do, and there's something there for your

mom, too," Tara smiled.



"Yes, thank you *Dana*," Bill said pointedly. Tara glared at him

again.



"Unfortunately, we really do have to go," she apologized. "I'll

call you tomorrow to let you know that we arrived safely. It'll

be too late tonight."



"Okay, maybe you can tell me more about your trip then?" Scully

suggested.



Then Bill picked up Matthew's suitcase and Tara opened the door.



"Who's the best basketball team in the world, big guy?" I asked

Matthew before they got out of the door.



"Knicks!" he shouted.



"Mulder!" Scully laughed. "I knew that I shouldn't have left him

alone with you."



"Hey, that's okay, Dana," Bill laughed. "I figured Mulder'd have

him jabbering away about little green men. The Knicks I can

handle."



"Bill!" Tara exclaimed. "Let's get out of here while your sister

is still speaking to you," she pulled him by the arm. "Sorry,"

she rolled her eyes at us.



After we'd all said our good-byes again, Scully closed the door.

She was right--the apartment did seem empty with Matthew gone.

We walked to the couch and sat down.



"Sorry about Bill, Mulder," Scully apologized for her brother.

"He can be such an idiot sometimes."



"Well, Matthew seems to be turning out alright, in spite of his

father," I chuckled.



"Yeah, he's a great kid," she agreed. "You two got along really

well. You'd make a good father, Mulder."



"I really like kids," I nodded, "but I guess it's not in the

cards for me."



"You're not that old, Mulder," Scully contradicted.



"I meant because of the woman that I want to have children with,"

I explained.



"Diana," Scully said quietly.



I snorted, "No, not Diana!"



"But you said--" she began.



"That dream?" I interrupted.



She nodded.



"Another lifetime ago, that's what I wanted. But Diana made it

very clear that she had no intention of having any children. She

didn't like kids. That was the beginning of the end for us. She

must have told Spender that I wanted kids. That's why they

implanted that dream."



"Then who?" Scully looked confused.



I bit my lip.



"You don't want to tell me?" she asked.



Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. It was now or never. The

subject wasn't likely to come again. "You, Scully." My voice was

so quiet, I barely heard it myself.



When I opened my eyes, her eyes were wide with shock and then 

were almost immediately filled with a look of sorrow.



"I understand that you need to find someone who can give you the

children that you want." Her eyes began to fill with tears.



"No, no, Scully! You weren't listening. I said that I wouldn't be

a father, because the only woman that I want to have children

with, can't," I spoke quickly.



"But you said that when Diana didn't want children, that was the

end of your relationship," she reminded me, her voice trembling.



"I couldn't see myself with someone who didn't feel the same way

about children that I do. *And* I'm not sure what we're saying

here, Scully, but I assume that you're not opposed to adopting."



"What are we saying, Mulder?" her voice was quiet.



"*I'm* saying that I love you, and whether we can have children

or not will not change how I feel about you."



"Why are you telling me this now? Was it Matthew?" She had

turned to face me. Her face was pale and her hands were

trembling.



"There never seemed to be a good time for us, Scully. I guess I

kept waiting for the perfect moment. I *did* tell you once, but

you didn't take me seriously."



She lowered her head at my words, and wouldn't meet my eyes.



"Look at me, Scully," I pleaded. She lifted her head again. "Yes,

Matthew was instrumental in my confession. I loved watching you

with him. It made me love you even more, if that's even

possible."



"I loved watching you with Matthew too, Mulder. That's really why

I was crying earlier. I would love so much to be able to give you

a child."



"I know, Scully. And even if adoption doesn't work out for us,

just knowing that you wanted to have children with me would be

enough for me."



"Are you sure, Mulder? I can't understand why it's different than

with Diana."



"What kind of person won't even consider having children

with the person they love," I tried to explain.



"Maybe she had a bad childhood?" Scully suggested.



"Why are you defending her, Scully? I was the one who had a bad

childhood, and I still wanted kids. Diana led a pampered life

from day one. She didn't want anything to interfere with her

being the center of attention."



Scully nodded slowly.



"You still haven't told me how you feel, Scully," I prompted.



"I told you that I wanted to be able to give you a child," she

pointed out. "I thought that said everything, Mulder. I don't

go around saying that to every guy I meet. In fact, I've never

said it to anyone before. I love you so much, Mulder and it's

tearing me apart that I can't give you a child."



"You're not going to let that stop us from being together, are

you?" I could feel myself starting to panic. It had never

occurred to me that this might be holding Scully back.



"I don't know, Mulder. I'm very confused," she shook her head.



We were still sitting side by side on the couch, but we'd turned

to face each other as we spoke.



"C'mere, Scully," I held my arms to her.



Moving tentatively, she accepted my hug. I pulled her onto my

lap.



"What is there to be confused about, Scully? We love each other,

don't we?"



"I love *you*," she said softly.



"Do you think that I love you less because you can't have

children?"



"Maybe," she admitted.



I had no idea how deeply the loss of her fertility had scarred

Scully. She seemed so strong all of the time. She'd hidden it so

well.



"Listen to me, Scully. I love *you*--the person that you are. You

want children, you love them. I love that about you. That fact

that you can't have children of your own doesn't change that. I

was never in love with your ova, Scully. With or without them,

you are still you. And I love *you*."



"Oh Mulder," she finally relaxed into my arms.



"Do you believe me now? You said that you trusted me. Do you

trust me enough to let me love you?"



"Yes, I do and I'm sorry I doubted you, Mulder."



"I'm sorry that I didn't realize how much you were hurting."



Lifting up her chin, I pressed my lips to her. When I felt her

tongue against my lips, I deepened the kiss. Scully opened her

mouth to me. My hand instinctively went to her breast. When I

squeezed it softly, she arched her back, increasing the contact

between my hand and her breast. She was making a "mmm" sound at

the back of her throat, like she was humming into my mouth.



Then she began to wiggle in my lap, making my erection throb even

more than it already was.



"I want to make love in the bedroom," Scully breathed, after she'd

pulled out of the kiss.



"I'll make love to you wherever you like, Scully." My voice

sounded deeper and rougher to me.



"I'd like our first time to be in the bedroom. Then it'll be your

turn to choose." Her voice sounded huskier than normal too.



With Scully still in my arms, I stood up and walked to the

bedroom. Setting her on the bed gently, I gazed at her for a

moment before I began to take off her clothes. Removing her shirt

and jeans, I left her in her bra and panties. When I went to

pull off my t-shirt, she stopped me.



"Let me," she said breathily.



She got to her knees, so that we were kneeling in front of each

other. Before she removed my shirt, she slid her hands under it

and began to caress my back and my chest. Then she slowly lifted

my t-shirt over my head and tossed it onto the floor. She

continued to let her hands roam over my skin and then she lowered

her lips to my chest.



While she kissed and nipped my chest, she began to undo my jeans.

As she lowered the fly, her fingers ran along my cock. The 

sensation forced me to close my eyes and I heard myself groan. Then 

I felt her hand close around my shaft through my boxers. Grabbing 

her head, I pulled her face to mine and began to kiss her fiercely.

Then I pushed her back onto the bed and kicked off my jeans.

Scully reached up and pulled my head back to hers. As we explored

each other's mouths, I removed her bra, then her panties and

she pushed down my boxers. Closing her hand around my cock again,

she began slowly stroke me. I had begun to kiss her neck and

squeeze her breast again, but Scully's hand had me very

distracted.



So distracted that I hadn't noticed that one or both of us had

been moving, and I was surprised to feel Scully guiding me into

her. Then she put her legs around me, making my cock slide all of

the way inside of her easily. The feeling of being enveloped by

her moist heat was overwhelming and I groaned at the sensation.

When I opened my eyes to look at her, she was watching me, her 

eyes dark with emotion. No woman had ever looked at me like

that before. My hips began to move, almost of their own accord.

I was so drunk with my desire, I was barely aware of what was

happening.



"God, that feels good, Mulder," Scully sighed.



"Yes," was all I could manage to say. I couldn't take my eyes

off of her. She was watching me as well, but as I continued to

make love to her, her eyes kept rolling back in her head. When I

began to pick up my pace, I felt her internal muscles clench

around me.



"Yes," she panted.



Her hips were swiveling as she met my every stroke. When my orgasm

started to swell, I began to thrust harder.



"God, yes," Scully's low voice vibrated through me.



My eyes drifted shut and I lowered my face to her neck as I

approached my peak. Scully's hands were in my hair, and she was

whispering to me. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but

her warm breath on my ear only heightened my pleasure.



My final thrusts were ragged as my orgasm surged through me. I

felt Scully's body tighten and begin to quake beneath me. Her

internal muscles were rippling around my cock, drawing out my

climax. The pulsing seemed endless. It was the most amazing thing

that I'd ever felt.



When I'd recovered enough to open my eyes, Scully was still

trembling under me. I kissed her softly.



"Is it okay if we spoon?" I asked, worried that I might be

crushing her.



"Mmm, please, just as long as you hold me," she agreed.



"I don't think that will be a problem, Scully. In fact, you'll

probably get tired of me holding you, because I plan to do it

a lot."



"I don't think it'll be a problem," she chuckled drowsily.



"Well, in the past, Scully, people have told me that I can be

a bit obsessive."



"No? Really?" she laughed.



"That doesn't scare you?"



"No, Mulder, I love the person that you are."



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

end



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