There's A Way
Chapter 2
The room was dark; my heart pounding and I wasn't sure why I was awake. Mulder was sound asleep beside me, his soft breathing an instant comfort to me. Blinking my eyes rapidly, I tried to focus on the clock. When the red numbers came into focus I knew immediately what had woken me up. It was 3:30. Megan normally woke for her bottle at 2.
Flying out of bed, I was already in the hall when I heard Mulder calling my name in confusion. I wanted to answer him, but I had no voice. The night-light in Megan's room cast enough light for me to see her in her crib. The blood rushing in my ears prevented me from hearing her breathing, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins allowed my brain to quickly process the fact that her chest was rising and falling. It seemed like I'd been standing there for ages, making sure my eyes weren't deceiving me, when I felt Mulder's arm wrap around me. Turning in his arms, I collapsed against him, my body shaking.
"It's okay, Scully," he murmured into my hair.
When I tried to say something, all I could do was sob. Mulder gathered me into his arms and carried me back to our room.
"She's fine, Scully," Mulder sat on the bed with me still in his arms, rocking back and forth slightly.
"I know," I drew a shaky breath, my body still trembling violently.
Mulder said nothing. Stroking my hair lightly, he continued to rock me. When I stopped trembling he slid back on the bed and laid us down, cocooning me in his arms. He chuckled when I pushed feebly at his chest, knowing what I wanted. With him on his back, I draped my body over his.
"You okay now?" he was gently caressing my back.
"Better," I sighed.
"You knew she was going to sleep through the night eventually." It wasn't a question.
"I know, but I still..." I was afraid to say what I was thinking.
"She's fine," Mulder whispered, hugging me tightly.
As if to confirm his words Megan snuffled over the monitor as she moved in her sleep. I lay awake listening to her soft breathing on the monitor after Mulder had drifted back to sleep. If I'd stopped for a moment earlier I would have heard her breathing then, too, but I hadn't exactly been thinking clearly.
When I woke next, the bed was empty and sunlight was peeking in at the edges of the curtains. Rolling to look at the clock I was amazed to see it was 8:30. After throwing back the covers, I stumbled to the head of the stairs.
"Mulder?"
"Good morning, sunshine," he appeared at the bottom of the stairs with Megan in his arms.
"You're late for work."
"I noticed," he laughed. "I called Skinner and told him I'd be late."
"Isn't it, um, I don't think you told me his name."
"Andy."
"Isn't it Andy's first day today?"
"I asked Skinner to have him start reading files."
"I bet Andy'll be thrilled," I chuckled.
"He asked -- no begged -- for this assignment," Mulder shrugged.
"Still," I started to head down the stairs.
"You go shower, Scully. I'm feeding Meggie and Jordan's already dressed and waiting to go shopping."
"Did you point out that the stores don't open until 10?" I laughed.
"Yes, but he's still anxious to get going," Mulder smiled.
Normally I didn't have time to take a leisurely shower on weekdays so I took full advantage of Mulder's late call and lingered. By the time I got downstairs Mulder had Megan dressed and my breakfast waiting.
"You smell good," Mulder murmured after giving me an enthusiastic kiss goodbye.
"How do I usually smell?" I grinned at him.
"Really bad," Mulder wrinkled his nose. "It's all I can do to get close to you."
"She does not!" Jordan protested. "You always smell good, Dana," he leapt to my defense.
"I was teasing, Jordan," Mulder smiled at him. "And you're right, Dana always smells good, but today I think she smells especially nice," he bent to kiss me again.
When we came up for air, Jordan was looking at his feet, his ears faintly pink. I'd been concerned about these displays of affection in front of the kids, but my mother kept assuring me that it was healthy for the kids.
"Although they might not realize it, it gives them a sense of security knowing they are part of a loving family. It seemed to bother your brothers more than it did you and Melissa," she'd chuckled.
When I thought back, I remembered my parents kissing and hugging in front of us all of the time. My brothers used to sigh and roll their eyes, but I remembered it did make me feel safe somehow. Being on the move for most of our young lives, knowing my parents loved each other was the best security they could have given us. My mother had reminded me that Jordan needed that strong sense of security, too. Mulder was only too happy to oblige.
After we'd seen Mulder off, I told Jordan that I'd like to walk to the store. It was an older mall and fairly small, so there wouldn't be a lot of traffic to contend with. They did however have a couple of kids' clothing stores. Considering the neighborhood, it would be bad business not to. It was a nice day, and I thought it would help to burn off some of Jordan's excess energy. After packing the diaper bag with some food for Megan we set off on our adventure. It was a little over a mile, but Jordan had no problem.
As an added treat, I let Jordan have lunch at the food court. My only miscalculation was how I was going to get all of the packages home. I'd ended up buying as much stuff for Megan as I did Jordan. The rack under the stroller was bulging with bags and I had a couple swinging from my arms. It was quite a sight.
That night Megan slept through again. I awoke at about 2:30, but after hearing her through the monitor, I went back to sleep quickly. I'd expected her to give up her morning nap, but instead she woke in the morning about a half hour earlier and started to droop at about 10, slept until 12:30 and shortened her afternoon nap by about an hour.
On Saturday, after the first night that *I* slept through, I was amazed at how much difference an uninterrupted sleep made. My mother even commented at our now traditional Saturday get together.
"You probably didn't even realized that you weren't 100 percent. It's like our bodies were designed to cope," she mused.
Jordan loved Saturdays because Grandma always spoiled him with an extra long story. She was reading him "The Neverending Story" and despite the fact that he was loving it, only Grandma was allowed to read it to him. No matter how much I tried, I could never convince my mother to stay after Jordan was asleep.
"I have a busy day tomorrow," she would always smile.
Sunday was full of morning mass, lunch with her friends and then her volunteer work. The church had started an evening service designed for parishioners who would otherwise be housebound. At first it had been a dismal failure until my mother and her friends realized that most of the elderly ladies didn't want to attend because they couldn't get themselves ready. Heaven forbid they should go to church looking less than perfect. So my mother and her cohorts spent Sunday afternoons helping these ladies get ready for church and she was enjoying it thoroughly.
After she left I started to ask Mulder about his new partner; I'd forgotten to ask the day before.
"There was something else I wanted to talk about," he lowered his eyes.
"What?" I hadn't thought there was anything that Mulder couldn't say to me now.
"Do you have any fantasies, Scully?" he whispered.
"Fantasies?" I repeated. "No, Mulder, all of my fantasies have come true," I paused as a grin spread across his face. "Why? Is there something I'm not doing that you want me to?"
His eyebrows shot up in surprise, the smile vanishing from his face. "Oh God no, nothing like that. Every night you fulfill my fantasies, and every morning when I wake up with you beside me," He picked up my hand and squeezed it gently. "It's just..." his voice trailed off.
"What, Mulder? Is there something different you want to try?"
"No, it's not that. I -- I just can't help thinking about the first time we had sex."
"You mean when we consummated our marriage?"
He nodded vigorously.
"What about it?"
"Well, now that I know how you feel, I can't help fantasizing about what you were thinking that first time."
"Yeah?" I grinned, my heart starting to beat faster. It had never occurred to me that Mulder might fantasize about anything like that. "I'm going to go upstairs," I stood up. "Give me a few minutes," I told him when he stood to follow me.
His eyes darkened perceptibly when he recognized the words I'd spoken three months earlier. When I got upstairs I began to search through my drawer for the nightie I'd worn that night. My heart was beating as wildly as it had that night, but it wasn't fear I was experiencing now. I was just slipping into bed when Mulder opened the door. I watched as he walked to his side of the bed. Instead of closing my eyes while he stripped, I watched intently as he removed each piece of clothing. When he removed his boxers, I had to smile at his thick erection.
"Do you want me to turn the light off?" he remembered to ask.
"No, I want to be able to see you," I didn't hide my lust.
"Good, I want you to be able to see you, too."
When he slid into the bed beside me, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh.
"Before we go any further, I want you to know that I love you."
"Can I interrupt the fantasy for a second, Mulder? I want to clarify something."
"Okay," he chuckled.
"I'm going to tell you what I was thinking, but we're going to keep going as if you didn't know, right?"
"Right. I want to hear what you were thinking all the way through," he nodded.
"Okay," I nodded and then picked up where I'd left off. "I know you love me, Mulder, I just wish you loved me the way I love you," I whispered.
"Are you ready?"
I giggled just as I had our first time.
"What?"
"It's awkward, Mulder -- having sex for this reason when I so want you to be doing this because you love me."
"I'm sorry it's awkward, Scully. If I'm lucky you'll fall madly in love with me and there won't have to be any tension between us."
"It's okay. Come here, Mulder. I want you inside of me so badly."
When he was between my legs he bent to kiss me again, whispering softly that he loved me.
"Oh God, I love you too, Mulder."
My words elicited a grunt from him as he began to ease into me. I pulled my legs back so he could slide into me. Again I gasped at the sensation.
"Did I hurt you?" he stopped moving.
"God no, it feels incredible, Mulder, don't stop," I panted. I skipped my clinical analysis of penis in vagina thrusting.
"You're so hot and tight, Scully. I knew you would feel heavenly."
Mulder kept his pace slow, as he had the first time.
"I love the way you smell and the way your skin feels against mine," I breathed. "I wish I wasn't wearing this nightie."
"Why?" his voice was raspy.
"Because I want to be able to feel your skin against mine. I have wanted this for so long."
"You feel so good, Scully."
"I love how it feels to finally have you inside of me, Mulder. I love how hard you feel."
At my words he picked up his pace. My body responded instantly; my belly beginning to tingle.
"Oh my God," I groaned.
"What?" he was breathing hard.
"I'm going to come."
"Jesus, Scully," he was beginning to tremble.
I slid my hands down to his ass to encourage him to thrust harder. When I felt Mulder's lips descend on my neck I was gone. I clenched around him, my back arched, my body shaking as my orgasm surged through me.
"Mulder," I shuddered.
"I love you," Mulder whispered hoarsely when he climaxed, his body quaking above me.
Before I could say anything, his mouth covered mine and he kissed me deeply.
"Did you -- did you really -- come the first time?" his words were punctuated by kisses.
"Yes, I really did, but not like that, because I was holding back."
"That was incredible," he sighed. "You didn't mind, did you, telling me how you were really feeling?"
"Not at all. It was incredibly sexy, actually," I admitted.
"I thought so too," he eased off of me and then pulled me on top of him.
"And don't be afraid to ask me to fulfill your fantasies, Mulder. Isn't that one of the benefits of a long-term monogamous relationship? We can ask each other anything."
"Anything?"
"I'm not saying I'd say yes to anything, I have my limits, but I would never think less of you for asking me for something. It's kind of arousing."
"Despite what you might think, Scully, I'm not all that kinky. I have, however, had thoughts about making love somewhere else."
"Well, now that Megan is sleeping through the night, I wouldn't feel so bad about asking my mother to watch her for a night or two."
"We never really had a honeymoon," he pointed out.
"Let's get Jordan settled into school and then we'll plan a weekend, okay?"
"As long as it's warm enough to make love to you outside," he mumbled sleepily.
"It's always warm somewhere," I chuckled, but my words were met with soft snores.
Sunday passed quickly. I spent the afternoon doing paperwork and the rest of the time telling Jordan how much time was left until he could go to school. It made me wonder how excited he was going to be about Christmas.
Monday dawned gray and rainy. Mulder had taken the morning off to fill out the paperwork at the school. We left the house earlier than we needed to, because we'd never been to the school and I wasn't sure what parking would be like. Once we were there Mulder convinced me that we counted as visitors that day because we had business, we weren't just dropping off Jordan.
The secretary was expecting us and had all of the necessary paperwork ready. We were in the middle of filling it out when a young brunette woman appeared in the office.
"Ms. Scully, Mr. Mulder?" she extended her hand. "I'm Allison Bothwell."
"Oh, it's nice to meet you," I smiled. She shook my hand and then Mulder's.
"And this must be Jordan."
Jordan nodded solemnly, making me smile.
"Would you like to see the classroom?" she asked him.
"Yes, please," his eyes lit up.
"Good," she held out her hand to him. "His class gets out at 11:45," she informed me with a smile.
"Bye Dana, bye Mulder," Jordan let go of her hand to run back and give us each a quick hug.
"Have fun," Mulder called as he dashed back to take Allison's hand again.
"Bye," I choked out, my throat tight.
Mulder gave me a squeeze and then turned back to the paperwork.
"Why do I wish he'd been a little more reluctant?" I whispered.
"I'm not sure," he smiled softly at me. "Because if he was, I'd think he wasn't well adjusted. It never occurred to him that we wouldn't be here waiting for him when he's done. Just like we're there every morning when he wakes up. I think we should be happy about his behavior considering everything that's happened to him."
I knew that everything Mulder was saying was true, but part of me still wanted to be there to protect him.
"You have lots of time with Meggie," he pointed out.
"Don't start me thinking about her going to school," I laughed.
"If there are any problems, we'll call you right away," the secretary smiled at me.
I blushed, wondering if she thought I was being foolish.
"And I'd think you were a bad parent if you were just anxious to get Jordan off your hands," she consoled me. "I see enough parents like that."
"I guess," I sighed heavily.
Megan was asleep by the time we got home, but even though Mulder and I basically had the house to ourselves, all I could do was pace around, waiting until I could go and pick up Jordan. Mulder tried to relax me, but backed off when I jumped about ten feet when he touched me.
"Sorry," I murmured.
"That's okay," he laughed. "I'll wait until Jordan gets home to touch you."
I was about to wrap my arms around him when the phone made me jump again. I answered it before it got to the second ring.
"What's wrong?" I squeaked, when Allison Bothwell introduced herself.
"Nothing's wrong, Ms. Scully, I just wanted to give you a heads up about something."
"Okay," I took a shaky breath.
"When a new student starts we have them introduce themselves and then the other students ask them questions. It helps them put a few names and faces together," she explained.
"Okay," I was nodding vigorously to the phone.
"Well, one of the kids asked what Jordan's parents did."
"Oh," I caught my breath. "What did he say?"
"He leaned over and whispered something to the teacher and then he said that his mother looked after him and his sister and his father caught bad guys. And then he added that his father helped to take care of him when he wasn't at work," she chuckled.
"He did?" I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
"Yes, I asked the teacher later what he had asked, and she said he'd wanted to know if it was okay to say that Mulder and Dana were his mom and dad."
"Thank you for letting me know," I whispered, afraid I was going to start to bawl on the phone.
When I hung up, I repeated what she'd said to Mulder through my tears. I finally relaxed, letting him hold me and kiss me.
"Catch bad guys?" I looked up at him.
"What was I supposed to say?" Mulder shrugged.
"You didn't want to tell him you were a government pencil-pusher?" I laughed.
"Nah, it didn't sound as good."
Jordan talked non-stop when I picked him up, telling me about all of the friends he'd made and everything they'd done. Mulder had stayed at home, because Megan was still sleeping. When we got back, he repeated everything to Mulder. By the time he'd finished his lunch he was starting to wind down. He was asleep before Mulder left for work. Shortly after Megan went down, the phone rang again. It was my mother, wanting to know how things had gone.
She listened patiently while I recounted the events.
"I knew you'd have a hard time, but I also knew nothing I could say would make any difference. Are you feeling better now?"
"Yes," I replied meekly. "I feel kind of foolish."
"You love him, Dana, you shouldn't feel foolish about that," she reminded me. "Oh, I was wondering what you were planning to do with Megan when you have to pick up Jordan?"
"Take her with me, what else could I do?"
"I could come over," she offered. "That way Megan's nap wouldn't be disturbed."
"Every day?" I laughed.
"I don't have anything else to do."
"Mom, I couldn't ask you to do that."
"You didn't. I'm offering and I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."
"That would be great, Mom, as long as you're sure."
"I'm sure," she assured me, and I knew it was settled.
That night at supper I was surprised when Jordan told Mulder and me about what had happened at school that morning.
"So is it okay that I said you were my mom and dad?"
"Of course," Mulder smiled.
"Da da da da," Megan interrupted, banging her spoon on her highchair.
"Yes, Meggie," Mulder turned to her and smiled.
She held a chubby hand out to him, a pea between her thumb and forefinger. When Mulder held out his hand to take it, she shook her head, still holding out her hand.
"Oh," Mulder chuckled and leaned toward her, opening his mouth. "Mmm, cold peas," he rubbed his stomach making Megan chortle.
"Mulder?" Jordan asked when Megan returned to her peas.
"Yes?" Mulder turned his attention to Jordan again.
"Do you like it when Megan calls you dad?"
My eyebrows flew up. I didn't think Jordan would make the connection between Megan's babbling and calling us mom and dad. This was something Mulder and I hadn't talked about and I had no idea how he was going to handle it.
"Yes, I do," Mulder smiled.
"Do you want me to call you dad?"
"You know what, Jordan?" Mulder put his fork down. "I would be thrilled if you called me dad, but only if you want to."
"I do," his brown eyes were very serious. "But I might forget sometimes," he added.
"That's okay. It'll take a while to get used to," Mulder smiled assuredly.
"And I can call you mom, Dana?" he turned to me.
All I could do was nod; the tears streaming down my face prevented me from speaking.
"Why are you crying?" he looked puzzled.
"Because I'm happy," I managed to sputter.
"Oh," he turned to look at Mulder in confusion.
"It's a girl thing," Mulder shrugged.
"Oh," Jordan nodded sagely, making me laugh through my tears.
Once the kids were settled into bed, I told Mulder about my mother's offer.
"She's okay with that? It seems like a big imposition." Mulder sounded amazed.
"I think she feels like she hasn't been imposed upon enough," I chuckled. "Up until now, her grandchildren have been so far away."
"True," Mulder nodded. "So? Are you going to be okay tomorrow?"
"I'll be fine," I snuggled against him.
"You were really cute today."
"Oh, shut up," I poked him in the ribs.
"But you should really stop confusing poor Jordan with your tears," he kissed the top of my head.
"I guess I should have prepared myself for that after what happened at school. I had no idea that he'd want to call us mom and dad so quickly."
"I'm happy that he doesn't have any problem asking us questions," Mulder sighed. "And the questions are only going to get harder."
"Not for a few years, I hope."
The following morning my mother pulled into the driveway just as Mulder opened the door.
"You mom's here," he called to me.
"Already?" I was still in my pajamas.
When I got to the door, Mulder was thanking my mother and giving her a kiss on the cheek. Before he left, he turned and kissed me again.
"See you tonight."
With my mother's help the morning went very smoothly. I only felt a minor twinge when I dropped off Jordan, but when he said, "Bye, mom," I choked up, managing to hold off the tears until he was out of sight.
The week passed without incident and I was enjoying my mother's company. I was surprised when she brought up the subject of me returning to work.
"I hadn't thought about it," I told her honestly.
"I'm here in the morning, anyway," she pointed out. "I wouldn't mind."
"But who would pick up Jordan?"
"If you went back part-time you could pick him up on your way home," she'd obviously been thinking about this. "Megan's awake in the morning, so I could drop him off."
"True," I nodded. Even though I hadn't considered it, the thought was appealing. Since my mother was offering to help I had no reservations about the kind of care Megan would be getting. I was getting more sleep now, Jordan was in school all morning and Megan would be asleep.
"Only if you're ready," she must have been watching me thinking.
"It sounds perfect," I admitted. "I wouldn't mind going back to work. I miss it now and then."
"Talk it over with Fox and let me know what you decide," she smiled.
"Oh, he'll be fine with it, but I'll discuss it with him. And I'll have to talk to Skinner, too. It'll be his decision, really."
"It will?"
"About coming back part-time," I clarified.
After lunch I called Kimberly to make an appointment and then I called Mulder.
"That's a great idea," he sounded overjoyed. "When do you see Skinner?"
"Monday morning."
"I can't wait to get the X-Files back to ourselves."
"Hang on, Mulder. I'm just talking about part-time. You'll still need someone who can go out of town with you. It probably isn't a good idea for us to do too much field work together," I reminded him.
"It'll still be good to have you back, Scully. Even though I see you every night, I miss you here. There is only so much ass kissing I can take."
"Mulder!" I hissed. "Andy's not there, is he?"
"Yeah, but he's oblivious."
"You know, Mulder, we should have him over for dinner before I come back. See if he's busy Sunday."
"Scully," he whined.
"I'll call and invite him myself if you don't do it."
"Okay," he gave in.
"Well?"
"You want me to ask him now?"
"Yes, Mulder."
Andy readily accepted the invitation much to Mulder's dismay.
"I'll make it up to you later," I promised him before I hung up.
I was amazed at how quickly things had fallen into place. All I needed now was Skinner's approval and then maybe by the middle of next week, I'd be back at work.
end of Chapter 2