Chapter 19
Thursday, October 5, 2000
Washington, DC
10:30 a.m.
We emerged from Mr. Clarey's law office, having explained to him the situation with his wife. I was feeling like I'd just been to a peep show. Mulder and Andrew looked as uncomfortable as I felt.
"Do you think he'll confess to his wife?" Andrew's hands were thrust into his pants' pockets and he was studying the tops of his shoes.
"No," Mulder sighed. "But I do think he'll make an effort to keep up appearances for a while. And when she's not the center of his attention anymore, I think his secretary will get bored and move on."
"So we're not going to tell Mrs. Clarey what we found out?" Andrew scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk.
"I'm not going to lie her," I spoke up.
"So we are going to tell her," Andrew looked at me without lifting his head.
"If she asks if her husband was having an affair, I'll tell her the truth," I clarified. "But I'm not going to volunteer any information."
"Isn't that the same as lying?" Andrew finally lifted his head to look me in the eyes.
"Andrew, if someone had told you about Barbara Clarey's complaints about her husband's inattentiveness, would you think 'Aha! He's having an affair!' or 'Aha! The Witch next door has cast a spell on him!'?"
"I would probably think affair," Andrew nodded.
"And if Mrs. Clarey was ready to deal with it, that's what she would have thought, too," Mulder interjected.
"So what are we going to tell her then?" Andrew looked back at me.
"Nothing," I informed him bluntly. "Our obligation is to Pamela Burke."
"Are we going to tell Pamela Burke about the affair?" his eyes widened in surprise.
"Maybe not in those words," I shrugged, "We'll tell her that we've talked to Mr. Clarey about his wife's concerns and her recent behavior and he's promised to address the matter."
"So are we going out to Adamstown today?" Andrew looked at his watch.
"Maybe this afternoon," Mulder shrugged.
"You won't have time this afternoon, Mulder," I reminded him.
"It's not that long of a drive, Scully," Mulder wrinkled his brow.
"Did you change your mind about coming to the doctor's with me?" I asked in surprise.
"Is that today? You said Thursday."
I tried not to laugh at the consternation on his face. "It is Thursday," I leaned a little closer to him and whispered.
Andrew choked back a laugh and looked at his shoes again.
"It is? Mulder looked at his watch. "Where the hell did the week go?"
"Just wait until we have three kids," I laughed.
"Am I going to turn into one of those guys whose office is plastered with Post-It notes and is big trouble if he forgets to cross a day off of his desktop calendar?" Mulder wrinkled his nose in distaste.
"I write things down, Mulder. You should try it sometime," I winked at him. "Let's go," I nodded in the direction of the car and began to walk. Mulder fell in beside me and Andrew caught up in two long strides.
"Hey, I knew the appointment was Thursday," he defended himself. "I just didn't know today was Thursday."
"It has been hectic lately," I consoled him. "I'm sure you'll be fine when things settle down a bit."
"And when will that be?" he didn't look convinced.
"When the baby gets a place of its own?" I patted my stomach and shrugged.
"That's what I was afraid of," he chuckled. "Well, let's get back to the office and get Andrew started on the report."
"I'm writing the report?" Andrew's head snapped up. "But what will I say?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something," Mulder slapped him on the back.
"Didn't this case come from the top?" All of the color had drained out his face.
"We won't let you hang yourself," I assured him. "Jumping in with both feet is a good way to learn, trust me."
"Yup, sink or swim, buddy," Mulder grinned.
"That's very helpful, Mulder," I chastised him. "Like I said, Andrew, I'll go over it with you before we present it to Skinner. Just include the facts and word the affair discretely and you'll be fine."
"Discretely?" Andrew didn't seem consoled.
"Say something like 'marital problems or issues within the marriage'," I suggested.
"I'll give it a try," he sighed.
"That's all we expect," I smiled at him.
My appointment with the obstetrician was at 1 o'clock, so after getting Andrew started on the report and grabbing a quick bite to eat, Mulder and I drove to her office. My mother had agreed to stay with the kids until we got home.
Dr. Cameron's office was brightly lit. The chairs were comfortable, but not so squishy that a very pregnant woman would have difficulty getting out of them. The walls were painted light blue and were accented by a border than ran just above the backs of the chairs. After I'd announced myself to the receptionist we went to sit down. The chairs were empty. I assumed this was her first appointment after lunch. I hadn't seen Dr. Cameron in slightly more than a year -- since my last pap smear. I was sure she'd be very shocked to see me under these circumstances.
When I looked over at Mulder I found him staring at nothing with a grim expression on his face.
"Is something wrong?" I reached for his hand. I was shocked to find it icy cold.
"Um," his voice was tight.
"What is it, Mulder? What's wrong?" I turned slightly in my chair to face him.
"This may come as a surprise to you, Scully, but I've never been to an obstetrician before," he smiled weakly at me.
"What the hell are you expecting, a medieval torture chamber?" I had to laugh.
"Well...sorta," he confessed. "With the stirrups and some of that equipment..." his voice trailed off.
"It's not that bad, really," I squeezed his hand.
"I also don't like the thought of some guy examining you, even if he is a doctor," Mulder dropped his voice to confess.
"Dr. Cameron is a woman, Mulder," I rolled my eyes.
"Really?" his eyes lit up.
"I can't believe you'd be jealous of a doctor," I shook my head.
"I'm jealous when any man looks at you, never mind someone who'll see you naked," his ears grew red as he spoke.
"Half the hospital will be looking in between my legs when I'm delivering, Mulder, so I suggest you get over it," I chuckled.
The look of horror that crossed his face at my words made me laugh harder. I was trying to regain my composure to console him when the nurse called my name. She ushered us in an empty examination room and left my file on the doctor's desk.
I was just about to try to ease Mulder's fears when Dr. Cameron walked into the office.
"Dana," she smiled and reached for my hand.
"Hello, Dr. Cameron," I smiled. "This is my husband, Fox Mulder."
"I'm very pleased to meet you, Fox," she smiled as she reached for Mulder's hand.
"Nice to meet you," Mulder's voice sounded faint as he shook her hand. I was surprised that he hadn't corrected her. When I stole a glance at him I was shocked to find his face completely ashen. I was at a loss for what he might be worried about. It couldn't be simply being at an obstetrician's office.
"I have to say, I was quite taken aback by the report I got from Dr. Zuckerman, Dana. In fact, I called him because I didn't believe the test results," Dr. Cameron opened my file on the desk in front of her.
"We were both surprised, too," I chuckled. "Weren't we, Mulder?" I turned to smile at him.
"Mmm hmm," he nodded, his face was still pale.
Reaching over, I picked up his hand and squeezed it. It was still ice cold. Was he still worried about who was going to see me naked when I was in labor? Surely he wouldn't still be obsessing about that -- but then again, this was Mulder.
"Even with the blood test, I find it difficult to believe that you managed to conceive, Dana," Dr. Cameron's voice was serious.
Her words were like a punch in the stomach. My heart was in my throat and a chill ran through me.
"You think I might not be pregnant?" my voice wavered. Mulder's hand jerked in mine. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Was this what he'd been afraid of?
"You saw the same thing I did, Dana. Your fallopian tubes were a mass of scar tissue and your ovaries weren't much better. Even if you managed to ovulate, I don't see how an ovum could make it to your uterus. Or how any sperm could reach the ovum, for that matter," she spoke calmly, looking me straight in the eyes.
"But the hormones, and the morning sickness and my breasts -- do you think it's all wishful thinking -- a hysterical pregnancy?" I tried to keep my voice even, but despite my efforts it cracked.
"Hear her out, Scully," Mulder's voice was gentle.
"It's a possibility," she granted, "One other possibility is a tubal pregnancy. Have you been experiencing any abdominal pain?"
"None at all," I shook my head. "And why would I be having a hysterical pregnancy? We weren't trying to get pregnant. Neither of us thought I could conceive," I argued the point.
"Yes, but I know you were devastated by the news that you were sterile. Perhaps some part of your subconscious held on to that hope and when you and Mulder married, it presented with all of the symptoms," she leaned back in her chair.
"My subconscious made me generate high levels of progesterone?" I found it difficult to believe.
"You know it's possible, Dana. There have been countless documented cases," she reminded me.
"But those cases involve women who were obsessed with conceiving," my heart was racing. "I hardly fit the profile."
"I know, I just wanted you to consider the possibility. I'm sure I can clear this all up with an internal exam. And if after that, we still aren't sure, I'll do an ultrasound to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I want to know for sure," she closed the file and stood up. "There's a gown on the table. I'll give you a couple of minutes."
Mulder and I stood as Dr. Cameron walked toward the door. As soon as she closed the door behind her, I collapsed into his arms.
"Shh," he stroked my hair. "She's wrong, Scully. You and I know the truth and I'm sure her examination will prove it."
"It never occurred to me, Mulder," I fought not to cry. "Neither of us ever considered pregnancy, why would I be having a hysterical one?"
"I agree with you, Scully. You're far too skeptical to have a hysterical pregnancy," he gave me a squeeze and then gently pushed me away so he could wink at me. "And if Dr. Cameron knew you better, she'd know that too."
"So you don't think it's a possibility?" I looked up at him hopefully.
"No, Scully, even I don't think it's a possibility," he smiled at me.
His smile was all I needed. "Thanks, Mulder," I smiled up at him and drew a shaky breath. "I'm not sure why I even considered that I might not be pregnant."
"Because you still think it's too good to be true," he took my hand and began to walk toward the examination table. "But we both know that miracles do happen and in a few minutes Dr. Cameron will believe too."
"It is a miracle, isn't it?" I began to undo my slacks.
"The third best miracle I've ever witnessed," he grinned.
"The third?" I looked at him in surprise as I slipped my panties off.
"They all have to do with you, Scully," he stepped closer to me as I folded my clothes and lay them on a chair.
"Yeah?" I smiled up at him as I reached for the gown.
"Yeah," he took a step closer to me and slid his hand under my hair.
His skin felt warm to my neck. He was looking into my eyes and I was mesmerized by the intensity of his gaze. We'd been married for 5 months and my knees still got weak when he stood this close to me. I'm not sure if he was pulling me toward him, or if I leaned into him, but suddenly we were touching.
"The first one happened after you were returned to me following your abduction. The miracle was that you survived after everything you'd been through. The second miracle happened 3 years ago, Scully," his breath was warm on my face. "When your cancer went into remission and you weren't taken away from me. They were the only things I'd ever prayed for that came true. Our baby is the third," he closed the few remaining inches between our faces and covered my lips with his. I melted into him as he caressed my tongue with his. It wasn't until I heard the knock on the door that I realized that I was standing half-naked in my doctor's office French-kissing my husband.
"One second," I called after I pulled away from Mulder. "Come in," I'd slipped into the gown quickly and hopped onto the table.
"Should I leave?" Mulder leaned over to whisper.
"No -- stay," I reached for his hand.
"Okay," he took my hand and held it tightly.
I knew the drill, so I got my feet into the stirrups and scooted down the table. When I was set, I looked up at Mulder again and found the same look of horror on his face that he'd worn in the waiting room.
"It's okay, Mulder," I gave his hand a squeeze.
My words did nothing to calm him down. He wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were fixed on Dr. Cameron who had snapped on the latex and was putting some K-Y jelly onto her fingers. I suddenly understood why Mulder had wanted to leave. I knew how much it bothered him when I spoke clinically, but it didn't occur to me that being present for an exam was going to scare him this much.
"All set?" Dr. Cameron asked as she sat on a stool at the foot of the table.
"Yup," I tried to sound cheerful.
"Could you just scoot forward a bit more please, Dana?"
"Sure," I complied. I could no longer see her over the drape covering my knees.
Not wanting to frighten Mulder further, I tried to make it all appear like nothing out of the ordinary, but I couldn't help twitching when she began her exam. His hand tightened around mine at my reaction.
"Relax, Dana," her disembodied voice instructed.
I took some deep breaths and tried to think about being at the beach. I was breathing slowly and picturing waves crashing onto the shore when the surprise in Dr. Cameron's voice brought my attention back to the sterility of her office.
"Your cervix is elongated and very pliable," she explained. "And, yes, I never would have -- it feels like you're about 9 weeks along."
"That's exactly what you thought, isn't it, Scully?" Mulder sounded much more relaxed.
"Well," Dr. Cameron stood up and peeled off her gloves. "I'm still having a hard time believing it, but it seems like you're pregnant."
"You don't sound completely convinced," Mulder sounded slightly annoyed.
"In some cases, patients with hysterical pregnancies have developed the enlarged uterus which is consistent with actually carrying a child. Those instances are very rare, and I would be surprised if that was actually the case. Why don't we schedule an ultrasound for next week. That will settle this once and for all," Dr. Cameron smiled.
"Next week?" Mulder's voice rose. "I don't think so. Dana didn't have any questions about her pregnancy until we came here and now that you've created this doubt in her mind, you want her to wait a week until she can relax? No, Dr. Cameron, you'll do the ultrasound today."
Still holding Mulder's hand, I sat up to try to calm him down, but before I could say anything, Dr. Cameron began to defend herself.
"I wasn't trying to scare either of you," she kept her tone professional. "I just wanted you to be aware of the possibility."
"And if she is pregnant, will this added stress be good for either her or the baby?" Mulder's eyes were flashing.
"Probably not," Dr. Cameron acquiesced. "Okay, we'll do an ultrasound at the end of day. Dana, you'll have to drink a lot of water between now and then."
"Thank you, Dr. Cameron," I smiled. "I appreciate your concern and the fact that you're taking your personal time to ease our minds."
"I understand," she smiled at me. "And I honestly didn't mean to frighten you. Sometimes my honesty overpowers my bedside manners."
"You know I'm grateful for your frankness, Dr. Cameron," I assured her. I'd spent too many years at OB-GYNs who would pat me on the head and send me on my way to be angry with Dr. Cameron. Her no nonsense reputation was what had attracted me to her in the first place.
"I'll see you here at 4 o'clock then, okay?" she looked at Mulder and then back at me.
"4 o'clock is fine," I smiled. "And thank you again."
"See you later," she smiled and left the office.
"You like her?" Mulder asked in surprise as soon as the door was closed.
"I know she's a bit brusque," I smiled. "But at least she doesn't treat me like a child."
"But she was going to leave you for a week," Mulder objected.
"I would have pointed out that it would be stressful to wait a week in a less jump-down-her-throat kind of way," I winked at him as I hopped down off the table.
"Do you think I offended her?" Mulder handed my clothes to me.
"I wouldn't worry about her," I chuckled. "I'm sure she developed a thick skin in Med school. Most Med students do -- women even more so."
"You might have a thick skin, Scully," Mulder grinned. "But I know how squishy you really are."
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes as I pulled up my slacks.
"So what are we going to do for two and a half hours?" Mulder looked at his watch.
"I'm going to drink a lot of water," I sighed. "And for about the last hour I'll probably be sitting with my legs crossed. Why? Did you have something in mind?"
"No, I hoped you did," he shrugged.
"Well, I have to call my mom and let her know what's going on. Then go to that pharmacy downstairs and buy some water. After that, I don't know," I shrugged. "There's a bookstore about a block from here."
"I could wile away a couple of hours in a bookstore," Mulder waggled his eyebrows at me.
"I'm not spending the entire time in the human sexuality section, Mulder," I warned him as I walked toward the door.
"How about an hour?" he called as I walked into hall.
An hour and a half later we were standing in the check-out line at the bookstore. We did end up spending more time than I wanted to looking at sex books, but Mulder had been so worried about making love when I was pregnant that I thought it might be a good idea. We even ended up picking up a couple of books. One was called "Congratulations, You're Going to be a Dad". The title seemed a bit hokey, but when I skimmed through it, I found that it was accurate and concise. Just what Mulder needed. He picked up Dr. Ruth's guide to sex for pregnant couples. If that's what he needed to be comfortable with having sex with me, I certainly wasn't going to argue.
I also chose two other books. One for Jordan about becoming a big brother again and one for me. Granted, I knew everything to expect during my pregnancy, but this book was subtitled 'What Your Obstetrician Never Told you'. I figured it couldn't hurt.
By the time we got to the cashier I was biting my cheek. My bladder was so full it hurt and I still had another hour to go. I needed to get back to the doctor's office and sit down. The cashier was trying to be chatty with us and I wanted to cut her off, but Mulder wanted to give her the story of our life.
"What's up with you?" Mulder asked when we got outside. "You were pretty terse with her."
"You go drink 4 liters of water and then talk to me about it," I snapped. "I just wanted to get back to the doctor's office to try to get more comfortable and you decide to give the girl a verbal slideshow."
"I'm sorry, I forgot, Scully. Why didn't you remind me?" he looked completely forlorn.
"What was I supposed to say? Wrap it up, Mulder, I've got a gallon of pee on board, remember?" I huffed.
"Can I have the bag?" he reached out to take.
"I can carry it," I frowned at him.
"I don't doubt that," he took the bag away from me. "I was actually hoping that book you bought for me might tell me the right thing to say in this situation. Do you think it would be under pee or ultrasound?"
"Mulder, don't make me laugh," I stifled a giggle. "I'll pee my pants."
"Oh, Scully," Mulder laughed. "If I didn't know what was at stake here..."
"Don't you dare," I glared at him.
"I won't," he took hold of my hand. "And I'm sorry I forgot about your bladder."
By the time we got back to the office the inside of cheek was completely raw, so I'd switched to my lip. I collapsed into a chair, but it offered no relief. I tried leaning one way and then the other but it did nothing to relieve the pressure. Mulder didn't know what to do with himself. He usually tried to cheer me up with humor, but laughing would have been disastrous. Instead he looked at me sympathetically and held my hand.
"For God's sake, Mulder, will you stop looking at me like that," after 10 minutes I couldn't take it anymore.
"I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of making you laugh," he looked totally helpless.
"Why don't you read that book about fatherhood to me," I suggested. "That should pass some time."
"Okay," he sighed and reached for the bag.
He began by reading the preface and when the nurse called my name he'd reached the part that explained how fluctuating hormones caused mood swings. I silently thanked author for not using humor to get his point across.
The cart holding the ultrasound equipment was already in the examination room when we got there.
"Go ahead and get undressed," the nurse instructed. "Dr. Cameron will be here shortly. I know you want to get this done as soon as possible."
I stripped off quickly and forgoing the gown, just pulled the sheet over myself. I sighed when I lay back on the table. Being flat on my back was the first position that offered the slightest bit off relief.
"Is this going to hurt?" Mulder was looking worried again.
"Aside from her pushing down on my bladder with the soundhead, it's completely painless," I assured him with a smile. "Well, the jelly is a little cold."
"I don't understand why you have to drink all of that water. What does your bladder have to do with the baby?" he pursed his lips.
"Well at this stage my uterus will still be hidden under my pubic bone," I began. "Filling up my bladder pushes the uterus clear so it can be seen with the ultrasound."
"Oh, that makes sense," he smiled.
"Yeah, it's not just the doctor being sadistic," I winked.
"Are you sure?" Mulder chuckled.
I was trying not to laugh when Dr. Cameron opened the door and walked briskly over to us.
"Okay," she smiled at me. "I know you're in quite a bit of discomfort, so I'll do this as quickly as possible."
"Thanks," I took a deep breath.
While Dr. Cameron was setting up the instrument, I pulled my shirt up. I knew the conductive jelly would stain my shirt, so I wanted it out of the way.
"This will be cold," she warned as she shook up the jelly.
"Eeep," I squealed when she squirted it onto my abdomen. "Very cold."
"Watch up here, Fox," she nodded toward the monitor as she began to pass the soundhead over me, using it to spread the jelly around.
"Do you see this big black ball, here?" she pointed with her free hand as she pressed the soundhead into my abdomen.
"Yeah," Mulder cocked his head.
"That's Dana's bladder," she sounded like she was in teacher mode. "You did a good job. A full bladder not only pushes the uterus into view, it also makes a good landmark."
"Thanks," I forced a smile. The relief I'd been granted by lying down was negated by the pressure of the soundhead.
"And here is the cervix and the uterus," she continued. "Oh, and here's the placenta."
I squeezed Mulder's hand and smiled up at him.
"Is that good?" he looked at me hopefully.
"Yes, you don't generally have a placenta without a fetus," Dr. Cameron chuckled.
"I knew there was nothing to worry about," Mulder smiled as he leaned over to give me a quick kiss.
"Tsk," Dr. Cameron frowned.
"Is something wrong?" I was immediately concerned.
"No," she laughed. "Just a baby that doesn't like having its picture taken. It keeps moving on me. Do you see, Fox?" she pointed to the screen again. "Let me get a better angle," she moved the soundhead toward my right side. "There."
The angle that Dr. Cameron had chosen gave us a side view of the fetus. Even at nine weeks its arms and legs were clearly visible.
"Is that really arms and legs I'm seeing?" Mulder asked in surprise.
"It really is," Dr. Cameron smiled broadly.
"Look at that, Scully," Mulder turned to me. His eyes shone brightly as he whispered, "That's our baby."
end chapter 19