Title: Withholding

Author: Andrea

Rating: NC-17

Category: MSR, Mulder POV

Disclaimer: I wish...then there would be no ninth season,
never mind a semi-Mulderless eighth.

Archiving: I'd be honored, but I'd also like to know.

Timeline: There is no timeline in the vicinity of this
story...well post-Triangle, pre-Requiem, I guess.
Only pre-8th season canon as well :)

Notes: Thank you Aly, Angela and Dan for the beta reading! 

Summary: Honesty is the best policy

Spoilers: Pilot, Ascension, One Breath, Kill Switch and Triangle

Feedback: Yes Please! ardywyn@hotmail.com

My other stories can be found at;
http://members.rogers.com/faloona4/aloneindex.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How did you figure out it was the microwave tower?" Langly put
his grubby sneakers on the desk and leaned back in his chair.

"Scully figured it out," I admitted, my hands stuffed into my
pockets.

"She's always been the brains," Frohike turned to smile at her.
Scully tried to look like she was ignoring him, but I could see
her eyes smiling.

"Does that mean I'm the beauty?" I grinned.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Mulder," Langly snorted and
turned back to Scully. "What made you realize that the tower
was carrying the messages?"

"It was a hunch," she shrugged. "Everyone in the town had kept
talking about their new cell phone tower. Then last night I 
couldn't find Mulder, so I tried to call him, but I couldn't get
any service."

"That made you realize it was a smokescreen?" Byers looked 
surprised. "It could have genuinely been down."

"It wasn't just that," Scully continued. "It was a town of 5,000 
that constantly talked about this tower and how great it was. When
I couldn't get any service it suddenly occurred to me that I'd
never seen a single person there using a cell phone. That's when
I put all of the pieces together. When I looked at my notes I
realized that the first symptoms were reported a week after the 
tower went up."

"I can't believe that they didn't see what was happening 
themselves," Byers shook his head. "How could they not realize
that they were all shopping at the same stores, eating the same
food, wearing the same colors, watching the same TV shows?"

"Puts a whole new spin on 'Must See TV'," Frohike chortled.

"It was the suppliers of the stores that suddenly had absolutely 
zero business that started asking questions," I jumped in.

"Yeah?" Frohike glanced at me briefly. "It makes me think that
there must be more towers like that out there. It would explain
a lot...like Everybody Loves Raymond. Now I know why."

"I'm surprised that neither of you were affected," Langly looked
at me sharply. 

I shrugged and tried to glance at Scully inconspicuously. She was
biting her lip in an effort not to smile.

"What?" Langly looked over at Scully and then back at me. "You
were affected?" he straightened up in his chair.

"I wasn't affected," Scully kept her voice cool.

The Three Stooges turned in unison to look at me. I really
had hoped that no one but Scully would ever know.

"I wasn't affected much," I tried to avoid their questioning
looks.

"What happened, Scully? Did Mulder become a regular at the Piggly
Wiggly?" Langly's face was alight.

"No," she shook her head, still trying not to smile. "It was TV.
When I couldn't find him he was back in the motel room."

"Watching what?" Frohike's eyes were wide. "Ally McBeal?"

"No," Scully shook her head, grinning openly.

"What then?" Even Byers was intrigued.

"I'll let him tell you," she laughed.

"What does it matter?" I was indignant. "I was brainwashed."

"Survivor?" Frohike guessed again.

"Dawson's Creek?" Langly was enjoying himself thoroughly.

"Hardly!" I defended myself.

"Charmed?" Byers laughed.

"You're not going to leave this alone, are you?" I realized I was
beaten.

"Felicity?" Langly tried again.

"It was Friends, okay?" I confessed just to get them to shut up.

"Friends?" Frohike choked. Byers and Langly looked at me in 
stunned silence.

"It was the fat Monica episode," I attempted to explain.

"That tower was more insidious than I thought," Byers was
completely serious. "It's too bad they got there first. I would
have loved to get my hands on technology like that."

"We almost had them," I shook my head. "I was halfway up the 
tower when they pulled their guy off the top with a helicopter."

"This close, huh?" Langly's hands started close and then he spread 
them as far as he could reach.

"There are probably more towers like that one," Byers tried to
console me.

"Probably," I nodded, "But I doubt we'll ever find them."

"Why not?" Frohike was concerned. "It shouldn't be too hard to
track behavior like that."

"They won't be this heavy handed again," I shook my head. "They 
were trying to find out if it worked. Now that they know it does,
when they use it again, they won't be so blatant," I sighed.

"It's too bad that we couldn't get a lock on the signal. I know
it was at the high end of the scale, but we only had minutes
before they disabled it," Byers pursed his lips together. "It's
not much, but I still might be able to find them."

"If there are other towers, they are probably disabled for now, 
too," I pointed out.

"But they'll probably turn them on again sometime," Scully finally
spoke. "They know it works -- they'll want to use it."

"Don't worry, Mulder," Frohike tried to soothe me. "We'll get
them -- eventually."

"I know," I tried to sound positive.

"Mulder," Scully lowered her voice. "I hate to do this, but I have
to run. I was supposed to have supper with my mother when we got
called away on this case. I called her when we got back to DC and
rescheduled for tonight," she looked at me apologetically.

"I'm all right, Scully," I smiled at her. "This is par for the
course. I guess I was hoping for a birdie this time."

"Golf euphemisms," Frohike laughed. "You must be in a bad way."

"Did they force you to watch the PGA, too?" Langly looked alarmed.

"No," I laughed. "It never got that bad." I walked toward the
door with Scully.

"Want me to call you later?" Scully asked as she pulled on her 
coat.

"I'm fine, really. Maybe I'll watch a little TV," I winked at
her.

"Okay," she laughed. "Don't forget we have an 8 a.m. with Skinner
in the morning."

"I'll be there -- with bells on," I assured her.

"I'll see you then," she smiled. "Goodnight," she called to the
Gunmen before she slipped out of the door. 

"You know what has me confused?" Byers cocked his head.

"What?" I turned back to the trio.

"Why wasn't Scully affected?"

"We wondered the same thing," I nodded. "Best we could figure was
that her chip protected her somehow."

"That makes sense," Byers agreed and then turned back to his
monitor.

"I was wondering about something else," Langly spun in his chair
to face me. His hands were folded in his lap.

"What's that?" I leaned back against the counter.

"Exactly how long have you and Scully been doing the nasty?"

"Ringo!" Byers went pale. Frohike looked like he wanted to crawl
back into his little hole.

"I beg your pardon?" I choked.

"You know," Langly continued unconcerned, "The horizontal mamba,
the wild thing, the beast with two backs."

"Langly," I shook my head. "Scully and I aren't involved in that
way."

"Come on, man, you can be straight with us. I'm not sure why you 
feel the need to be so secretive about it, especially with us. 
It's so obvious -- even Frohike thinks so," Langly didn't seem to 
be the least bit embarrassed about this discussion.

I looked over at Frohike. He had suddenly found something on his
gloves very interesting. I turned to Byers. At least he had the
decency to look me in the eye. "You too?"

"Yes, but I would never have been so callous as to bring it up,"
Byers appeared apologetic.

"We have a pool going," Langly plunged on. "I'm sure I'm right and
I want my money."

"A pool?" I looked at them in disbelief.

"Yeah, whoever is closest to the first time you and Scully did 
some naked wrestling wins," Langly grinned. "I think it was after
Scully rescued you from that computer. You know, when she was 
running around with that babe, Esther Nairn."

"And when do you think John?" I looked at Byers.

"I thought it was much sooner then that," he confessed. "I think
you fell in love with her right away, but you didn't make your 
move until she was returned to you."

"And you, little man?" I turned to Frohike. "What's your money on?"

"Well," Frohike looked up at me briefly. "I think it was after we
saved you in the Bermuda Triangle. I heard you tell her that you
loved her."

"What?" Langly jumped up. "You little sneak, you never told us 
that. You had inside information."

"All's fair," Frohike grinned.

"It's a moot point, boys," I interrupted them. "I already told 
you, it's not like that with Scully and me," I shrugged.

"Give it up, Mulder," Langly shook his head. "We see you two 
together all the time. We can tell from just watching you that 
you mess up the bed on a regular basis."

"From seeing us together? What are you talking about? We work
together," I had no idea what he was talking about.

"You touch each other constantly," Byers nodded his head slowly.

"That doesn't mean anything," I rolled my eyes. "If I put my hand
on Melvin's shoulder, it doesn't mean we're sleeping together," I
walked over to Frohike and did just that.

"It's not like that, Mulder," Frohike shook his head. "We mean 
like when Scully left just now."

"What about it?" I was confused.

"The way you were touching each other," he explained.

"I don't even remember touching her, but if I did it was just
because she's my partner," I tried to think back to when she left,
but I couldn't recall any contact between us.  

"Here, let me show you," Frohike moved so that he was standing 
beside me. "I'll be you. This is how you walked her to the door."
He put his hand on my back, low on my back and began to propel me
toward the door.

"I certainly didn't shove her toward the door," I glared at him.
"And your hand is perilously close to my ass."

"No, you didn't push her, but this is where you hand was," he
looked up at me smugly.

"I doubt Scully would let me have my hand this close to her ass,"
I pointed out.

"You've touched her there for years, Mulder," Byers informed me. 
"But as time went by your hand moved lower and lower."

"It did?" I felt my eyes widen. 

"And then when she was telling you about your appointment with
Skinner, she did this," he put his hand on my chest and fluttered
his eyelashes at me. "Don't forget our 8 am with Skinner tomorrow
morning," he made his voice high and breathy.

"Frohike," I pushed him away. "She does not make doe eyes at me."

"Maybe not," Byers consented, "But she definitely talks to you 
much differently than she talks to anyone else."

"Really?" I was surprised.

"Are you still asserting that you and Scully have never laid any
pipe?" Langly was scrutinizing me closely.

"I swear," I put my hand over my heart. "Besides, I tell you about 
all of my conquests."

"Yeah right," Langly snorted. "The last thing you told us was 
about that freaky chick in California who thought she was a
vampire."

"Uh huh," I nodded my head.

"Christ, you're in worse shape than I am, Mulder," Frohike looked
shocked. "What's stopping you with Scully? It's so obvious that
you're completely nuts about her; and I'm pretty sure that she
feels the same way about you."

"Scully's not interested in me," I shook my head quickly. "When
you heard me tell her that I loved her, she just laughed at me."

"Cold," Frohike sighed.

"Nah," Langly spoke up. "She probably just thought you were 
whacked out on painkillers. The way you were babbling, I know 
that's what I thought."

"Maybe," I shrugged. "Anyway, I should get going. It's been a long
week, and it's only Thursday."

"I thought you were up for pizza and checking out the latest 
webcams," Frohike sounded disappointed.

"Not tonight," I got my coat and started for the door.

As I was heading down the stairs, I heard Frohike yelling. 
"What the hell did you do that for, you moron!"

"Never mind that," Langly sounded excited. "Let's pick out new
dates."

I was glad they could be excited about it; I wasn't. I didn't know
what to think. If the three most clueless men in the world figured
out that I was in love with Scully, she must know, too. I know I'd
told her that I loved her, but Langly was right, she hadn't
taken me seriously. But if my actions made it clear to them that
I was completely crazy about her, I was afraid she'd noticed as
well. There was only one thing to do. I'd have to back off and 
stop touching her so much.

I had no trouble making it to work on time for our early meeting; I
hadn't been able to sleep at all the night before. I'd tossed and
turned the entire night. All I'd been able to think about was what
the Gunmen had said and it had made me worry about how obvious my
feelings for Scully were to other people. Had Skinner noticed? It
might explain the quizzical looks he'd given me. I'd always 
assumed that he just thought I was one step away from being
institutionalized -- maybe he was only wondering if there was 
something between Scully and me.

When I hadn't been worrying about what other people might think, 
I'd worried about Scully and what she might be thinking. If three
men whose social IQs combined was equivalent to a gnat's had 
noticed that I had a thing for Scully, surely she must have 
figured it out ages ago. It was probably not long after my 
brilliant remark about the FBI's most unwanted.

Normally I looked forward to spending the day with Scully, but
after getting zero sleep and having to concentrate on not 
touching her, I knew the day was going to be hellish.

Since we had a meeting, I was expecting Scully to be waiting in
the office for me. It had been our routine from close to the
beginning of our partnership. So before I stepped into the office
I took a long slow breath and tried to paste a happy expression
on my face. I didn't want her to think anything was wrong.

"Good morning," I tried to sound cheerful.

Scully looked up from the report she was reading; her eyebrows
rose slightly. Someone who didn't know her probably wouldn't even
have noticed.

"What's wrong, Mulder? You look like crap." 

I should have known better than to try to fool her. 

"I didn't get much sleep."

"How come? Are you having nightmares again?" she looked 
concerned.

"Yeah," I bold-faced lied to her.

"I thought you hadn't had any in a while," she watched me walk 
around the desk.

"I still have them every now and then." At least that was the 
truth. "But not nearly as much as I used to." I sat down in my 
chair, heavily.

"I wonder if that microwave tower triggered something?" Scully
was immediately concerned, making me regret my lie. 

"It's nothing," I tried to brush away her fears. "I still have
them occasionally. It's probably a coincidence."

"I dunno," she didn't sound convinced. "Who knows what that
signal was capable of?" She got up from her chair and studied me
as she moved around the desk. "Are you running a fever?" she
placed her palm gently against my forehead.

I couldn't form any words. My eyes closed as her hand moved 
across my forehead. When her fingers combed some hair back into
place, all I could think about were the things the Gunmen had
said the previous night. 

"You seem a little cool, actually," her voice was quiet. "Hmm,"
she sounded pensive and then I felt her pick up my wrist.

She was in Dr. Scully mode, nothing more, I told myself. I
should have known better. The Gunmen probably think that every
time a woman touched them, she must be madly in love with them.
Any time Scully touched me, it was out of concern. Just like
she had the night before. She'd been worried about ditching me 
so quickly after I'd been invaded by the mind snatchers.

"Your pulse is a little rapid," she was back to being concerned.
"Maybe the effect of those microwaves didn't wear off as
quickly as we'd thought."

"Or maybe I didn't sleep well because I was having nightmares
and I'm a bit off my game," I pulled my hand away.

"Maybe," she straightened up and I feared that I'd spoken too
sharply.

How could I tell her that my heart was beating faster in response
to her touch? 

"If I don't sleep again tonight we can investigate this more, if
you like," I tried to appease her. "I'm sure it's nothing and we
have a meeting with Skinner in --" I looked at my watch, "Two
minutes."

"If you don't sleep again tonight, you'll let me check you out
thoroughly?" her face softened.

"Does thoroughly mean we both get to be naked?" I grinned.

"Never mind," she rolled her eyes. "You seem like your old self 
again."

"I'm sure I'll be fine after I get some sleep," I winked at her.
"Let's go see Skinner," I stood up.

Smiling to myself as I walked toward the elevator behind Scully, 
I was sure that I would have no problem keeping my hands to
myself. All I had to do was concentrate. Surely it wouldn't be
hard to keep track of my own hands. As I glanced cockily down
at my left hand I was shocked to find it fractions of an inch 
from the small of Scully's back. My entire upper body began to
lean toward her as I fought to hold my hand back.

"Shit!" I cursed as I pulled my hand back. The sudden motion made
me lose the tiny bit of balance that I was clinging to. Turning 
my body so that I didn't fall into Scully, I crashed heavily into 
the wall. Scully spun around just as the elevator doors opened,
her eyes wide with shock.

"What happened?"

"I tripped on something," I glared back down the hall.

"Oh," she nodded slowly, scanning the polished tile floor. "You
really need to get some sleep, Mulder," she tried unsuccessfully 
to hide her smile as she stepped into the elevator and held the 
door for me.

For the duration of the trip to Skinner's office, I kept my hands
thrust into my pockets. It was the only way I could be sure they
wouldn't stray. 

"It's no wonder you stumbled," Scully looked at me sideways as
we approached Skinner's outer office. "Didn't your mother tell
you not to walk with your hands in your pockets?"

"She also told me," I leaned closer to her to whisper in her
ear, "that I'd go blind if I masturbated."

"Well, you are color blind, aren't you?" she grinned unabashedly
at me. "Maybe you should've listened to your mother," she left
me standing in the doorway as she walked into the office to
greet Kimberly.

"He's waiting for you," Kimberly nodded toward the AD's door.
"Go right in."

"Agent Scully," Skinner greeted Scully as she walked in.

"Sir," I saw her nod her head.

"Mulder?" Skinner looked at me in surprise and then turned to
Scully.

"He didn't sleep well last night," Scully informed him.

"An after affect of that phenomenon you were investigating?" he
continued to talk to Scully as I took my seat.

"Possibly," Scully granted with a small shrug. "But Mulder does
have a history of erratic sleep patterns. He has agreed to let me
know if this current problem persists."

"Good," Skinner pursed his lips. "Keep me informed."

"Excuse me," I cleared my throat. "I am in the room."

"Sorry, Mulder," Scully glanced at me apologetically.

"Mulder, you don't exactly have the best reputation when it 
comes to looking after yourself," Skinner made no apology. "Be
sure to keep Agent Scully apprised of your condition."

"Yes, sir," I couldn't believe I'd brought all of this on simply
because I was afraid that Scully would find out how I felt about
her. 

"I think you kept me fairly up to date with your field reports,"
Skinner switched gears, "but let me have a quick look at your
final report."

"I wouldn't call this a final report, sir," I informed him as
I handed him the file, "but at this point we are at a stand still
until they decide they need to test this again."

"I understand, Mulder," Skinner took the file from me and began 
to read.

As he scanned the pages, I looked out of the window over his 
shoulder. I was sure if I looked at Scully she would be able to
read exactly what I was thinking. Being so exhausted made it
hard for me to control myself. If under the best circumstances
I wasn't aware of how much I was touching her, how could I manage
in this condition.

If I managed to get some sleep I was positive that I'd be able 
to train myself not to touch Scully. It wouldn't take long before
it would be second nature to me. I wasn't sure when I'd started
to touch her so much, but it shouldn't take long to break myself 
of the habit. At least I hoped it wouldn't.

Since the Gunmen had mentioned it, I'd become aware of Scully's 
every touch. I knew she was doing it for completely different 
reasons, but that fact didn't change my reaction to it. It was 
one thing for me to stop touching her, but how was I going to 
deal with the continued contact. Would she notice that I wasn't
touching her? Was she even aware of touching me? It wasn't like
I could ask her stop. I really didn't want her to, I just didn't
want her to realize how I felt about her. Scully and I had 
developed a unique relationship over the years and I didn't want 
to risk putting a strain on it. 

Scully was always the consummate professional at the office. Even
when we spent time together away from work, she was normally 
reserved. Only in extreme circumstances had I ever seen her let
her guard down. It was her way of letting me know that friendship
was as far as she wanted our relationship to go. If my choices
were friendship or nothing, I was certainly going to opt for the
former. I would be lost without Scully in my life.

"Mulder?" I heard Scully's voice.

"Hmm?" I gave my head a little shake and looked at her.

"Are you all right?" her brow was furrowed.

"I'm fine. Why?"

"Because, Agent Mulder, both Agent Scully and I have been trying
to get your attention but you didn't respond to either of us. If 
your eyes hadn't been open, I would have thought you'd fallen 
asleep. Unless you've mastered the art of sleeping with your eyes
open," Skinner sounded almost amused.

"As useful as that might be," I chuckled, "Unfortunately not. I 
was just thinking about the case," I lied.

"I think you need to get some sleep, Mulder," Skinner leaned
back in his chair. "Take the rest of the day off. You won't be
able to accomplish anything anyway."

"I'll be fine," I tried to assure him. "I'll just have a couple 
cups of coffee."

"It wasn't a suggestion, Mulder," Skinner leaned forward again.
"And Agent Scully will drive you home."

"I don't think I need to leave, but if you are going to force me
to, I'm capable of driving myself," I retorted indignantly.

"Mulder, you can't even walk. How can you be sure you can drive?"
Scully asked quietly.

"I got here, didn't I?"

"Look, Mulder," Skinner sighed. "Until you are safely home, you 
are still my responsibility. Agent Scully will drive you home," he
turned to Scully, "Make sure he sleeps."

"Yes, sir," she answered earnestly.

Ten minutes later I was in the passenger seat of Scully's car
being escorted home. Regardless of how tired I was, I resented
having my hand held. For some reason apparently it was okay to
drive home after an all night stake out, but get a lousy sleep
and you're treated you're in custody. I'm surprised she didn't 
cuff me to the door handle.

When we pulled up in front of my building I was surprised that
Scully got out of the car, too.

"What are you doing? You aren't seriously coming up with me?
I know what Skinner said, but come on, Scully."

"Mulder," she sighed as she walked to the back of the car. "I'm
still worried that those microwaves may have disrupted your REM
sleep," she explained as she opened her trunk.

I couldn't figure out what she was getting out of her trunk, but
I was more confused about why she thought the microwaves might
still be having an affect on me.

"I know we decided that it was the microwaves that made everyone
so susceptible, but I still don't understand how that would work?
Why didn't they just cook our brains, or our whole bodies for 
that matter?"

"I explained that in the report. Don't you remember?" she looked
surprised.

"I tuned out," I winced. "Sorry."

"You really need some rest," she chuckled. "Okay, I'll try to
explain this concisely."

"'Kay," I nodded as we walked toward the front door.

"You know that all molecules vibrate?"

"Right, unless they're frozen," I tried to sound knowledgeable.

"No, all molecules vibrate except at absolute zero. When they
vibrate slowly you have a solid. When they vibrate very quickly
you have a gas."

"Okay."

"A microwave oven works by using the exact frequency of microwave
that causes water molecules to vibrate more quickly. When they 
vibrate more quickly they heat up and that heat cooks the food."

"Okay," I paused briefly, "But that still doesn't explain why
our brains didn't get fried."

"Because they used a different frequency of microwave. The 
microwaves that carry cell phone signals aren't the same ones
that they use in ovens. An oven would have a shorter frequency," 
she explained as we walked into the lobby.

"So they were trying to vibrate a different molecule?"

"Yes."

"Brain molecules?"

"Not exactly," she chuckled as we stepped into the elevator.

"Well, what exactly?"

"My best guess?" she paused. "Acetylcholine."

"I thought that caused violent behavior."

"Only in excess. It's simply a neural transmitter."

"Ahh," I nodded sagely. "But wouldn't boiling that in my brain
still cook it?"

"I doubt there's enough acetylcholine in your brain to even warm
it up. Besides, if it boiled off, you'd die. It's responsible for
controlling all of your autonomic responses," she explained 
patiently. 

"Well, if they didn't boil it off, what did they do?" I asked
in confusion as the elevator doors opened.

"Remember, this is all speculation based on the behaviors I
witnessed, but a minimal increase in the rate of vibration would
be enough to affect a change, like suggestibility," she began to
fish for her keys in her purse.

"And those same waves carried the suggestions?"

"No, they would have been carried on a different, longer wave.
One that wouldn't have any affect on human cells."

"Oh," I shook my head. "So when the transmission was terminated,
the acetylcholine began to vibrate at its normal rate again."

"Not instantaneously; they would have gradually returned to 
normal, like when something cools. But if the vibration rate 
wasn't changed significantly it wouldn't take long for them to 
return to normal," she began to unlock my door.

"Then why do think I'm still being affected?" I followed her 
into my apartment.

"Who knows what the long term effects of something like this
might be? Maybe you did lose some acetylcholine and insomnia is
your response to it, or maybe your synapses were damaged by the
increased vibration, or maybe you had a nightmare," she shrugged.
"I just want to see which it is. If your acetylcholine was 
affected you can replace it with medication."

"And if my synapses were damaged?" I was beginning to get 
alarmed.

"You'd be in the same state as if you'd smoked a little 
marijuana in college. If there was significant damage, you'd be 
in a coma," she smiled.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I looked at her in
disbelief. "What if I already smoked pot when I was in school?"

"Mulder, I'm only speculating. I'm not even sure if I'm right
about the acetylcholine," she tried to assure me.

"It sounds plausible," I slumped to the couch.

"True, but I'd have to spend years in a lab experimenting with 
the effect of varying wavelengths of microwaves on acetylcholine
and then run tests on research subjects, if I could get FDA
approval -- which is doubtful," she sat down beside me.

"I think our friends skipped that stage," I laughed ruefully.

"Come to think of it, I do remember reading about some research
into acetylcholine and violent offenders," Scully leaned back
on the couch. "From what I recall, they'd actually tried to
destroy all of the subject's acetylcholine by injuring the
thymus gland. It's a known, albeit rare, complication of thoracic
surgery. The injured thymus then begins to produce antibodies --"

"Umm, Scully?" I interrupted her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm synaptically challenged right now, remember? Even if I'd 
had a decent night's sleep I don't think I'd be able to follow
this," I shook my head.

"Sorry," she chuckled. "You're right. You should go to sleep."

"Okay," I nodded obediently. We both smiled at each other. Our 
smiles faded as uncomfortable silence settled over us. 

"Well?" she looked at me expectantly.

"Well what?"

"I thought you were going to bed," she raised her eyebrows at me.

"You're kind of in the way," I raised my eyebrows back at her.

"You're not going to sleep on the couch!" she was astonished.

"I always sleep on the couch," I reminded her.

"Remember what I said about your history of erratic sleep 
patterns? This couch is probably the reason. Bed!" she ordered.

"Scully," I whined.

"Bed, Mulder!" she stood up.

"If I don't, you'll probably tell on me," I stuck my tongue out
at her.

"Come on," she reached for my hand. "It won't bite, I promise."

I let her lead me into the bedroom; I knew there was no point
in arguing.

"When was the last time you slept in here?" she sniffed the air.

"I dunno," I shrugged. "Last year?"

"Let me change the sheets," she smiled. "I know I always sleep
better on fresh sheets."

"Why will the sheets in the closet be any fresher?"

"Because they're in the closet," she rolled her eyes. "Why don't
you take a bath while I do this. It'll help you relax. That's why
I brought my overnight bag. I've got some chamomile bath salts.
They will help, too." She headed back toward the living room.

"But then I'll smell all girly," I whined.

"Will you stop grumbling," she sighed. "I'm just trying to help
you sleep. And it doesn't smell girly."

"Come on." She took me by the hand again and pulled me into
the bathroom. I was far too tired to be concerned about all
the handholding. "Just five minutes. It'll work wonders," she 
began to run the water.

I leaned against the wall and watched as she sprinkled some 
crystals under the running water. When the tub was half full 
she turned the water off.

"There," she smiled. "Now I'll go and change the bed."

"Aren't you going to stay and wash my back?" I grinned at her.

"Maybe if you'd been more cooperative, I might have considered 
it," she grinned back.

"I'll try to be more cooperative in future," I promised, but she
was already walking back to the bedroom. 

"I'm not holding my breath," she called back.

I got undressed and stepped into the tub. The hot water felt
good. For some reason all of my muscles were aching. They 
probably wanted me to get more sleep too. Scully was right. 
Whatever she put into the water did seem to be having a 
soporific effect on me. Of course, it could have been the hot
water alone, or the fact that I'd had about 3 and half minutes
of sleep. Whatever the reason, I was becoming very drowsy.

"Mulder?" 

I opened my eyes to see Scully standing in the doorway.

"Yeah," my voice sounded groggy.

"The bed's ready. Will you be okay to get out of the tub on
your own?"

"I think so," I nodded.

"Here's a towel and some clean boxers," she set them on the sink,
then turned to leave again.

My body felt heavy as I dragged myself out of the tub. Once I'd
dried myself off, I pulled on the underwear Scully had left and
trudged down the short hall. Scully was sitting on the bed
waiting for me.

"You look exhausted, Mulder," she shook her head.

"Mmm hmm," I nodded as I crawled under the sheets that she had
turned down for me.

"I know you could probably sleep for a long time, but I don't
want your sleep pattern to get any more messed up than it already
is."

"'Kay," I mumbled.

"I'll stay here and if you are still asleep in 4 hours, I'll
wake you up," she continued.

"'Kay," my eyes were already closing.

I felt the covers being pulled up and then something brushed my
cheek. From the scent, I knew it was Scully's hair. Then she
pressed her lips gently against my forehead. 

"Sweet dreams," she whispered and I knew there was no doubt.

It seemed like my eyes had barely closed when I felt a familiar
touch on my forehead. Opening my eyes, I found Scully still 
sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Was there something else?" my voice was gravelly. "I thought you
wanted me to get some sleep."

"You've been asleep for four and half hours, Mulder," she smiled
softly at me.

"Really?" I groaned. "I'm still tired. I feel like I could sleep
for another four and a half."

"I'm sure you could," she laid her hand on my chest, "But unless
your planning on working night shifts, you should get up."

"I could use about a gallon of coffee," I yawned as I sat up.

"No coffee," she shook her head. "Natural stimulants will work
better."

"Huh?" I had no idea what she was talking about. "Caffeine's
natural."

"Why don't you go for a run?"

"You're kidding right? I think I'll be lucky if I can hobble to 
the bathroom," I stretched my arms over my head.

"It'll be the best thing for you, Mulder. It'll wake you up 
naturally," she was speaking softly. "And when you get back, I'll
make you early supper."

"I'm assuming I don't have a choice here," I sighed. 

"Well, I'm not going to be following you with a whip," she
chuckled as she stood up.

"Why not?" I grinned. "That's the best offer I've had in a long
time."

"Because I left it home," she winked at me. "But a wet towel 
could be arranged."

"Okay, okay," I threw the covers back. "Can I at least stretch 
first?"

"I insist," she smiled again as she turned to leave the room.

"Hey, Scully," I called before she got to the door.

"Yeah?" she looked over her shoulder.

"Did I pass?"

"Pass?" she stopped and turned around.

"Am I declared free of the effects of the microwaves?"

"I think so. Let me know how you sleep tonight, okay?"

"Do I have to sleep in the bed again?" 

"Didn't you sleep better in the bed?" she wrinkled her forehead.

"I guess so," I admitted.

"Then why wouldn't you want to?" she sounded confused.

"No reason, I guess," I shrugged. How could I explain to her that
the reason I chose to sleep on the couch was because there I 
didn't have to face the fact that I didn't have anyone to share 
my bed with. Nothing made me more acutely aware of the reality 
that Scully wanted nothing more than friendship from me than 
waking up alone. A bed seems enormous when there is no one 
sleeping beside you.

Once again, Scully was right. Going for a run made me feel much
better. When I got home, I found Scully busily preparing food in
my tiny kitchen.

"You found something besides soup?" I was surprised.

"No," she laughed. "I went to the market while you were 
sleeping. It'll be done by the time you've had a shower."

"Is that a hint?" I looked down at my sweaty t-shirt.

"Only if you want company while you're eating," she looked up
at me without raising her head.

"I always want your company, Scully," I smiled. Before I knew
it, I felt my hand reaching out toward her. I snatched it back
quickly, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"What?" She looked up from the tomato she was cutting.

"I didn't want to sweat on your veggies," I covered.

"Thanks," she laughed with a shake of her head. "I prefer my
salt out of the shaker."

"Okay, I'm going to shower."

As I walked to the bathroom I began to wonder if I was going to 
be able to do this. I couldn't believe that I'd almost touched 
her  twice when I was consciously trying not to, never mind how 
much she was touching me. It was no surprise that the Gunmen had 
noticed. Maybe the fact that she was touching me would make it
easier not to touch her. At least I would still get some contact. 
On the other hand, it made me that much more aware of how badly I 
wanted her. Perhaps if I stopped touching her, she'd stop 
touching me without even realizing. I hoped it wouldn't come to
that. Scully's touch held a great deal of power. She could calm
me down or excite me; bring me back to reality or trigger a 
fantasy; open my eyes to possibilities I'd never considered or
point out the blatantly obvious. It would be a long time before
I'd ever get used to losing that, but I strongly doubted there
was any other option. If I made a full confession and she took me
seriously, I'd risk losing her altogether.

When I emerged from the shower I smelled the unmistakable aroma
of steaks under the broiler. My stomach began to grumble 
immediately.

"That smells fantastic," I walked into the kitchen, still pulling
my shirt on.

"Hungry?" she laughed as she handed me a plate.

"Famished!" I felt my eyes gleaming at the plate of steak and 
salad.

"I made some Italian dressing for the salad. Is that okay?" she
held it up.

"Sure," I nodded.

She put one hand under the plate to steady it, while she poured
on the dressing. Her fingers covered mine and I had to stop 
myself from shuddering with pleasure. If this simple contact 
created such a powerful reaction in me, I knew I was deep 
trouble.

"Thanks," I pulled away quickly when she stopped pouring.

"Your welcome," I detected a hint of confusion in her voice and I
could see a question forming in her eyes.

"Am I at least allowed to eat on the couch?" I reached for my
knife and fork, hoping she would assume I was just in a hurry to
eat.

"You'll be the one that has to pull the lettuce out from between
the cushions," she laughed.  "I'll be right there."

By the time Scully joined me, I was halfway through the steak.

"Good?" she smiled.

"A little more well-done than I usually like, but yes, it's 
good," I told her with my mouth full.

"You should thank me for killing the e-coli," she huffed as she
sat down.

"Sorry," I muttered, my mouth still full.

Scully didn't say anything, she just started to eat her food. I
felt like an idiot. She had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure
I got some rest and then even cooked. What do I do to thank her?
Complain about the way she cooked my steak. 

"It really is good, Scully," I tried to make amends. "I meant 
that even though I usually like my steaks medium-rare, this is
very good."

I saw her eyes flick over at me briefly and from that short look
I could tell that she was still hurt.

"Honestly, Scully," I continued. "Maybe I didn't like steak
cooked like this before because no one had ever done it right."

Much to my relief, I saw a tiny smile forming on her lips. Before
I could enjoy my reprieve I saw, to my horror, that once again
I was almost touching her. This time my hand was less than an 
inch away from her thigh. I withdrew my hand quickly and picked 
up my fork. I was staring blindly at my plate, praying she 
hadn't noticed. When I felt her light touch on my arm, I knew I
hadn't gotten away with it.

"Is something wrong, Mulder?"

"What?" I moved my hand to stab a piece of steak with my fork
making her hand fall away from my arm.

"You have been behaving very strangely today -- very jumpy. Are
you sure you're all right?" I could hear the concern in her 
voice.

"I'm fine," I found myself using the words I'd heard so many
times before.

"Something's up, Mulder." If she noticed that I'd parroted the
phrase she'd used so often, she made no indication. "Are you
angry because Skinner and I made you come home to get some rest?"

"Not at all," I assured her. "I'll admit I resented being treated
like a child, but I know that you only had my health in mind. And
I feel much better now that I've had some sleep."

"Then there still must be some residual effects from those 
microwaves." She put her plate down on the table and turned
toward me. 

The next thing I knew she was kneeling beside me about to put the
back of her hand on my cheek.

"I said, I'm fine," I spoke sharply, jerking my head away from 
her touch.

Recoiling at my words, Scully's face contorted in a mixture of
hurt and shock. I instantly regretted my words. I'd never planned
to hurt her. I'd been afraid that admitting my feelings would push
her away, but it seemed that hiding my emotions was having that
very same effect.

"You're trying to tell me you're not angry?" she was trying to 
speak coolly, but her voice quivered.

"No, Scully, I'm not angry, I swear," I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Then explain why you've been so jumpy, if you're not angry," she
stood up and folded her arms across her chest. 

"Trust me, Scully, I'm not angry," I shook my head.

"Trust you?" she laughed bitterly. "You won't even look at me and
you want me to trust you?"

"Yes, I want you to trust me," I looked up and met her eyes. 
Their usual warmth had been replaced by an iciness I'd seen her
direct toward Diana. It had never been aimed at me before. I
looked away again quickly.

"Nice try, Mulder, but it's not going to fly," her tone was 
harsh. "Why won't you look at me?"

"Because I don't like the look in your eyes," I answered 
honestly.

"And before that? You wouldn't look at me before you saw how
angry I am. And I noticed, Mulder. I know that you thought I 
didn't, but I did."

"Noticed what?" I stole a quick glance at her. The coldness in
her eyes had faded to sorrow.

"That you won't touch me. You pull your hand away like you're
afraid you'll burn it. When I touch you, you jump out of the way 
like you think I'm carrying some contagion. Would you care to 
explain that? I tried to convince myself that it was after-affects,
but --" her voice trailed off.

"Scully, I'm not angry and it's not the case. I wasn't completely
honest with you about why I didn't sleep," I paused to take a 
shaky breath. "I didn't have any nightmares, I couldn't sleep
because I was thinking all night," I confessed.

"Thinking?" she spat. "You let me worry about you like that and
you'd been up thinking. That's just great," she spun around and
began to walk toward the door.

"Scully, wait," Almost throwing my plate onto the coffee table, I
jumped up to follow her. "Don't go."

"Why not? You're fine, remember?" she didn't turn around.

"Is that the only reason you were here? Because you thought I was
sick?" The harshness of my voice shocked me. 

"No, Mulder." She stopped and turned to face me. The iciness in 
her eyes had returned. "I was here because I was concerned about
my friend and partner. I see now that my concern was misplaced.
Friends don't lie to each other, Mulder. I thought our 
partnership was founded on honesty and trust. Thank you for 
showing me that I was wrong."

"Our relationship *is* founded on honesty and trust, Scully, but
we don't share everything. Are you trying to tell me that you've
told me all of your secrets?" I turned the tables on her. "And
remember, we're being honest here."

"There may be personal things that I haven't told you, Mulder,
but I would never let you think that there might be something
wrong with me when I'd just been up thinking," her voice was
cold.

"Did it ever occur to you that I may have been up thinking about
something personal? Something I didn't want to share with you? I
told you it was a nightmare so you wouldn't pester me about it."
I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth.

"I see," Scully lifted her chin toward me slightly. "Well, I 
won't pester you anymore," she turned toward the door again.

With her first step away from me, I saw my whole world crashing 
down around me. I knew if Scully walked out of that door, she'd 
be out of my life forever. I had to stop her.

"Please don't leave me," My voice was shaking, but she kept
walking. I suddenly knew that I had to tell her. She might 
still choose to leave me, but at least she would know the
real reason.

"It was you, Scully. I was thinking about you." My voice echoed
in the stillness.

She stopped and stood motionless, still facing the door.

"I was thinking about touching you." My confession was so quiet
I wasn't sure if she'd heard me. Then she turned slowly to face
me. Terrified that her eyes would be icy again, I kept mine
focused on the floor.

"You were thinking about me?" The amazement in her voice gave me
the courage to raise my eyes. The awe in her voice was reflected
in the shock I saw in her eyes. I could only nod.

"About touching me?" She still sounded completely astonished and
I wasn't sure if it was in a good way. I nodded again.

"Why now, all of a sudden?" she seemed confused. It wasn't the
reaction I'd been expecting.

"It's not all of a sudden, Scully," I admitted warily. "I have
told you before that I loved you."

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again for
a second before she finally spoke. "You've stayed up all night 
thinking about me before?" her eyes wide.

"Not the whole night," I chuckled. "I meant that my feelings for
you aren't new."

"I'm not sure if I want to know the answer to this question," a
small smiled had formed on her lips, "But what kept you up all
night then?"

"The Gunmen."

"You were thinking about me and the Gunmen?" she wrinkled up her
nose.

"No," I laughed easily. "I was thinking about something they said
after you left yesterday."

"What did they say?" She cocked her head at me.

"Come on," I held out my hand to her. "Let's sit."

She lifted her eyes to search mine. She must have approved of 
what she found there because a smile spread across her face and 
then her hand slid slowly into mine. As I closed my hand around 
hers I felt a sense of peace flood over me. I still wasn't sure 
how she felt about me, but she wasn't running away anymore.

"So?" she asked as we sat down.

"Well, you know how yesterday when you were leaving, I walked to 
the door with you and you reminded me about our meeting this 
morning?"

"Yeah?" She was sitting sideways on the couch with one leg bent 
and on the couch; her shin pressed against my thigh. Her other 
leg was dangling off the couch. Both of her hands were now 
holding mine.

"Well, after you were gone," I continued, "Langly floored me."

"What do you mean?"

"He wanted to know how long we'd been having sex," I shook my
head with a laugh. "But he didn't say it quite so delicately."

"I'll bet," I was surprised to hear Scully laugh. "What did
you say?"

"I said we weren't, but they didn't believe me," I explained.

"They?" Scully's eyebrows flew up. "Frohike and Byers too?"

"Yup," I shrugged.

"Why not? What made them think that we were involved?" she
wrinkled her forehead.

"They way we touch each other," I told her bluntly.

"Oh," a knowing look came over her face. "But why did that keep
you up all night?"

"Because I thought if those morons figured out that I was in love
with you, that you must be able to tell," I was shocked at how
easily the words spilled out of my mouth.

"I didn't realize that we touched each other that much," her 
voice was quiet.

"Neither did I, until I tried not to," I chuckled.

"Well, that explains a lot." She shook her head at me. "Why
did you lie to me? Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

"Last time I told you the truth, you rolled your eyes at me," I
reminded her. "I was afraid if I confessed when I was in full
possession of my faculties that you'd leave me."

"That kind of backfired, didn't it?" she looked amused.

"Yeah, kind of," I tried to smile, but a knot was growing in
my stomach. Scully still hadn't told me how she felt. I had the
feeling that I should be preparing to be let down easily. She
didn't feel the same, but she thought we could still be partners.

"What's wrong, Mulder?" Scully squeezed my hand.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"I thought we'd gotten past the holding back bullshit, Mulder.
I can tell that you're worried about something, so spill."

"Yeah, I'm worried about something," I shook my head in 
amazement. "I've just bared my soul to you and I still don't 
know what you're thinking."

"You don't know what I'm thinking?" A laugh bubbled out of her
throat.

I shook my head mournfully.

"Men are so clueless," she laughed again. "Here, let me make it 
perfectly clear for you."

She began to raise up on her knee and I thought for a minute that
she was getting up to leave, but then she began to lean toward
me. My eyes closed instinctively. I felt her let go of my hand 
and then she gently cupped my face. When her lips touched mine, I
groaned. When our tongues met, all of my doubts drained away. 

The hands that I'd been trying to restrain all day
quickly moved to pull Scully onto my lap. Only now, my entire  
body was aching to feel her.

"Scully," I tried say, but it was lost in our kiss. Somehow she
must have heard me, because she moved her lips to my neck.

"What?" The vibration of her deepened voice against my skin sent
shudders of anticipation through me.

"I need to touch you." My voice was raspy.

"You are touching me," the lusty tone of her voice making
my head reel.

"No," I grunted with a shake of my head. "Like this," I slid my
hands under her shirt. When my fingers came in contact with her
skin a loud moan filled the room. It took me a few seconds to 
realize that the sound had come from both of us. When I tried
to slip my hands further under her shirt I groaned in
frustration when I was hampered by her fitted blouse. 

"Problem? Scully chuckled. 

"Yeah," I whined, letting my hands fall back to my lap.

Without saying a word, Scully slowly stood up. Then I watched
as she slowly began to unbutton her blouse. I was mesmerized by 
how sexy her fingers were as they manipulated each button. When 
she had opened her shirt far enough to completely reveal her navy
bra, I suddenly had to see her face. I had to see if she was 
feeling what I was feeling -- total awe.

I was shocked by what I found in her eyes. They were practically
burning into me. Even knowing that she was baring herself to me, 
I couldn't tear myself away. The desire I saw was making my heart
race; the lust making my stomach flutter, the love taking my 
breath away. It wasn't until she bent to push her pants off that
our eyes broke contact. When she straightened up she was 
gloriously naked in front of me.

"Scully," I wasn't the least bit embarrassed about the reverence
I heard in my voice.

A flicker of delight joined the other emotions I'd seen in her
eyes and she took a step toward me.

"Wait," I jumped up, taking her by surprise. "Can we go to the
bedroom?"

"The bedroom?" She sounded mildly surprised. "I thought you would 
have preferred the couch."

"A bed is very lonely when there's no one to share it with," I
explained as I took her hand. "I'm glad I didn't give up hope." 

"I'm glad, too." She smiled up at me and I was startled to see 
her eyes shining. It was going to take some time for me to get
used to the fact that her feelings ran as deeply as mine.

When we got to the bedroom, Scully immediately climbed onto the
bed and lay down. I stood motionless, stunned by how 
comfortable she seemed to be lying there, wonderfully naked in
front of me.

"Mulder," her soft voice interrupted my vigil.

"Yeah," I blinked my eyes.

"Your turn," she smiled, looking me up and down as she spoke.

"Right," I felt a grin spread across my face. My clothes were
off and tossed aside in seconds.

"That's better," she smiled, lust evident in her eyes again.

"And less confining," I waggled my eyebrows at her as I climbed
onto the bed with her, making her chuckle. "Scully," I hesitated
before I reached her.

"Yeah," she was smiling up at me.

"Would it be okay -- can I -- Scully, I really need to touch 
you."

"I thought that was the general idea," she laughed.

"No, I mean I wouldn't let myself near you all day and I feel --
I need to --"

Before I could finish, she took my hand and set it on her 
stomach. "I missed it too, Mulder. I didn't realize what was
different until you told me," she paused and covered my hand 
with hers. "I need you to touch me, Mulder. I need it as much as
you do."

Leaving my hand where it was, I bent to kiss her. She opened
her mouth to me and her hands moved to my back. As I slowly swirled
my tongue over hers, I began to move my hand. Her skin was soft
and warm, and I could feel her belly rising and falling with
each breath she managed to take through our kiss. I, too, was
beginning to struggle to breathe, so I moved my lips to her
cheek and then her ear and neck. 

She groaned when I nipped at the spot below her ear where I
could feel her strong pulse. Then I slid my hand to her hip
and moved my thumb over the rise of her hipbone. She inhaled
sharply, lifting herself off the bed slightly. Deciding I'd
found one of her sensitive areas, I kept massaging her while I
moved my lips to the front of her throat. Lifting her chin, she
arched her head backward to give me more access.

While I explored the hollow at the base of her neck, her 
fingertips moved lightly over my back. Figuring that I'd given 
her hip enough attention, I slid my hand gently up to the curve 
of her waist, rotating my thumb leisurely as I went. Again she
lifted her hips from the bed and I heard a low rumble in her
throat. It seemed that Scully had more than one erogenous zone,
and I hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet. 

In the position that I was in, on my knees leaning over her, I
could feel her hardened nipple against my chest. As much as I
was enjoying her throat, I was anxious to move my mouth to her
breast. Without moving my hand or mouth, I eased onto my side.
Once I was settled, I began to kiss her collarbone as I kept
caressing her waist.

"God, that feels good," she breathed.

"Is your arm okay?" I lifted my head to ask.

"Huh?" her eyes were still closed.

"I'm lying on it," I chuckled.

"Oh," her voice sounded dreamy. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Good," I smiled as I lowered my mouth to her chest.

"Especially when you do that," she squirmed under my mouth.

"Is all of you so sensitive?" I asked before I finally reached
my target. 

When my mouth closed around her nipple she almost flew straight 
up in the air and the rumble in her throat became to a
full-fledged growl. It seemed that some areas were more sensitive
than others. While her ass I was off the bed, I took the 
opportunity to slide my hand under her. I thought I'd be able 
to caress on of her best assets, but she wouldn't keep still
long enough for me to give it the attention it so richly 
deserved.

Instead I slipped my hand down to her leg. Unless she planned to 
levitate, I would be able to stroke her thigh. As soon as my
fingers brushed against her, she inhaled sharply. I was starting
to think that there was no part of Scully that wasn't going to
react strongly to being touched. It was then it occurred to me 
that maybe it wasn't just the touch, maybe it was the person
doing the touching. My male ego needed to know which it was.

So, incredibly slowly, I ran my hand back from her thigh, to her
hip and then her waist. Lifting my lips from her breast, I 
watched her face as I ran my hand lightly over her ribcage and
then gently skimmed over her breast.

"Mulder," she whimpered as she pushed her breasts up to get more
contact, but I had other ideas.

"Be patient," I leaned to whisper into ear.

"Haven't I been patient long enough?" A pout formed on her full
lips.

"Just a little longer, I promise," I kept my voice low as my
fingers crept over her shoulder and down her arm. When I lightly
drew my fingers along the underside of her arm toward her armpit
she shuddered violently. 

"I'm not sure if I'll last a little longer," her voice was 
breathy.

"I'm sure you'll survive," I chuckled as I moved my hand to her
neck and began to trace little patterns up to her ears and over
her face. Her eyes stayed closed, but I could see her eyes 
rolling back under her lids. Then I slowly brought my hand down
over her collarbone, carefully trailing my fingers over it
before I moved on. 

"Mmm," she squirmed under my touch again.

"You'll let me know if I do something you don't like?" I asked
as I ran one finger down between her breasts.

"I don't like that you're taking so long." Her breathing was
labored. 

"To do what?" I smiled to myself. "This?" I asked as I took her 
breast firmly in my hand.

"Oh God!" Her back arched off the bed.

"I'll take that as a yes," I chuckled proudly. Moving from breast 
to breast, I squeezed and caressed them both in turn. Before I 
focused specifically on her nipples, I brushed over them lightly 
with the flat of my hand. Once again, she pushed her breasts 
toward my hand in an effort to get more contact.

"Is this what you want?" I rolled her nipple between my thumb
and my forefinger. 

"Yes," she hissed as her hips writhed on the bed.

Deciding that I needed to use both hands, I got onto my knees 
again so I could have access to both of her breasts at the same
time. When I began to tease both nipples at the same time, 
Scully's body began to tremble.

"Is that better?"

Her only verbal response was a groan, but from the way she was
writhing and quaking I was sure I was getting right. I'd also
started to get another signal. An unmistakable scent had begun
to permeate the air. Above all else, the smell of her arousal
thrilled me the most and I had to know just how excited she was.

Taking my right hand off her breast, I skimmed it over her belly,
and then slipped it between her thighs. I didn't need to explore
further to answer my question. Scully was incredibly wet and all
I'd done was caress her. My male ego, along with another part of
my anatomy swelled with pride. Wanting to investigate further, I
gently eased her lips apart. Her quaking increased and she lifted
her hips to meet my hand. Intently watching her face, I slipped
one finger inside of her and my thumb found her very swollen 
clit. My finger had barely entered her when her face contorted in
pleasure and her clit began to pulse under my thumb. Her internal
muscles tugged at my fingers while her body shook.

I watched in astonishment as wave after wave rocked her body. 
I'd never seen anything like it -- I'd never been responsible for
anything like it. When her body finally went limp, I eased my
finger out of her and rested my hand on her thigh. She lay
quietly, her chest still rising and falling quickly. I leaned
back down and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"That was amazing," I whispered.

She slowly opened one eye and looked at me. "Are you going to get
all cocky on me now?"

"Well," I glanced down at myself. "I think I'm already there."

Her eyes followed mine and a smile spread across her face. "I'll
say," she reached down to stroke me.

"Whoa, Scully," I jumped back a little. 

"What's the matter, Mulder?" She grinned and moved her head 
closer to my problem.

"That's not a good idea," I whispered, knowing that I was very 
close. 

"I think it's a good idea." She looked up at me and ran her 
tongue along her lip.

"Jesus, Scully," I groaned. "It's not like I haven't fantasized
about this very thing more times than I count--"

"Me, too," I felt her hot breath on my cock.

"And I'm not ruling it out altogether, but I want to be inside
of you now." My voice was shaking.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it's not totally out of the question," she giggled. "Will you at least tell me about the fantasies?"

"What?" I choked.

"I've always fantasized about giving you a blowjob at the office,"
she dropped her voice.

"Me, too," I exhaled shakily.

"Tell me about it." She began to caress my thigh.

"Well," I hesitated. "You'd be under the desk..."

"Under the desk?" Her eyebrow shot up.

"Not because I wanted to be in control," I explained quickly. 
"In the fantasy, someone would always come in."

"Oh," she nodded slowly, grinning. "Because you *do* know that
during fellatio the woman has all of the power. She can make
you come quickly, or make it last a very long time. If she's
cruel, she could just leave you hanging."

"You'd never be that cruel, would you, Scully?" 

"Not unless I was provoked," she winked at me. 

"Then I promise to be very careful not to get on your bad side,"
I laughed.

"Mulder?" She stopped stroking my thigh.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure I couldn't give you a blowjob, just for foreplay?
I wouldn't do it for long."

"You may not have noticed, Scully, but I don't need any 
foreplay," I chuckled.

"Needing and enjoying are two different things, and besides, I
really want to taste you." Her hand had wandered back to my 
penis.

"You are making this very difficult for me, Scully." I felt my
resolve waning.

"I can smell how much you want this, Mulder." Her face was inches
from me.

"Okay, but just a taste," I warned. "I really want to be inside
of you, Scully."

"I promise I won't let you come." Her eyes looked predatory as
she opened her mouth and engulfed the head of my cock.

My balls began to tingle instantly. Seeing her full lips 
wrapped around me and feeling the sensation of her tongue
swirling over me was more than I could handle. I closed my eyes
to block out part of the overpowering input. I felt cool air 
rush over my cock for a second when she pulled back. Then her
lips were on the head of my cock again, and she began to suck
gently.

"Mmm," her voice vibrated through my shaft. "You taste wonderful,
Mulder," she informed me after letting me slide out of her mouth.

"Yeah?" I think I managed to say.

"I'll stop now." I felt the bed move and then her lips were
pressed against mine.

"I think it's already too late," I whimpered. "I'm not going to 
last."

"No?" I felt her lips spread into a smile. "Have you had other 
fantasies, Mulder?"

"That will definitely not help, Scully," I groaned.

"No fantasies about Frohike giving you a blowjob?" I could hear
the mirth in her voice.

"Eeeww, Scully!" I tried to get the mental image out of my head.

"Would Langly be better, with his lovely long hair?" She couldn't
stop herself from laughing.

"Scully," I warned.

"Byers' beard might provide some interesting sensations."

I opened my eyes to see her collapse to the bed laughing.

"Scully, if you don't stop now, I will be dead meat, if you 
know what I mean," I feared who she might suggest next.

"You look just fine to me," she grinned.

"That was very nasty." I wrinkled up my nose as I crawled over
to her. 

"But you aren't on the verge anymore, are you?" she held her arms
open to me.

"No," I admitted, "But still --"

"C'mere," she whispered. "I promise to make you forget all about 
it."

"I'm sure you will," I couldn't help smiling as I positioned
myself between her legs. 

Before entering her, I leaned down to kiss her. "You'll probably
make me forget my name."

"Good," she smiled up at me. "Because a little while ago you made
me forget what planet I was on."

"You looked beautiful, Scully," I breathed as I slowly slid into
her. 

"That feels so good," she moved her hips to meet me.

"It certainly does," I lowered my lips to hers again.

As I began to move within her, she started to make small sounds
of pleasure into my mouth. Normally I would have been pleased,
but it wasn't enough now.

"This isn't right," I broke our kiss.

"What?" her eyes flew open.

"It feels fantastic, Scully," I assured her. "But you aren't 
enjoying it as much as before. I can't really touch you like
this."

"You're lying on top of me, Mulder. How much more could we 
touch?" she looked bemused.

"I want to touch you with my hands, and I can't do that is this 
position," I tried to explain.

"It doesn't have to be like before, Mulder. This is wonderful.
I love how it feels to have you inside to me." She reached up to
caress my cheek.

"Please, Scully," I begged. "I've already touched the front of 
you..."

"Oh," she grinned. "Well, you know how you promised I could give 
you a real blowjob some other time?"

"Yeah?" I nodded.

"I reserve the right to make love like this. I want to be able
to kiss you and touch you."

"I promise," I kissed her again. "So it's okay?"

"Yes, Mulder," she smiled. "Any position in particular you want
me in?"

"Well, on your knees," I thought she'd understood what I wanted.

"I know that," she rolled her eyes. "But there are still lots of
variations."

"However you are most comfortable," I slid out of her.

"Probably like this." She got to her knees and then lowered 
herself to her elbows. Her knees were apart, but I was 
surprised to see her cross her ankles.

"Why did you cross your ankles?" I asked as I moved behind her.

"My knees are farther apart this way. It makes it easier for me
to keep my balance," she looked back over her shoulder at me. "Is
that okay?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "Just new to me." 

My knees ended up on the outside of hers and her feet were in
between my knees.

"You may notice another benefit," she was still looking at me.

"What's that?" I asked as I began to slide into her and 
immediately got my answer. "Jesus, you're so tight this way."

"Mmm hmm," she sighed.

"Give me a minute," I breathed.

"Take your time. This feels fantastic." Her voice was breathy.

"That is an understatement," I closed my eyes. I was sure if
I moved at all, I'd come immediately. To my horror, Scully 
wiggled her hips back against me and I felt my balls start
to tingle again. "Please don't do that!" I grabbed her hips to
hold her still.

"It feels too good," she whimpered. "I have to move."

"Please, Scully!"

"I'll try," she promised quietly.

"I'm sorry," I began to caress her back. "But I want to last for
more than two strokes."

"Well then stop that." She arched her head back.

"Stop what?" I was confused.

"What you're doing to my back."

"This?" I ran my hand across her back lightly.

"Yes! If you do that, I won't be able to help moving." I could 
hear frustration building in her voice.

"Okay, you go ahead and move." I brushed my hand along the side
of her breast, making her hips buck back against me. "We have 
all night, right?" 

"I hope we have the rest of our lives, Mulder." She looked
over her shoulder at me again. 

"We will if I have any say in the matter." I trailed my hands
along her sides.

"God." She thrust her hips back again. "I love you so much,
Mulder."

I could only moan in response. My balls were being to ache from
holding back and I could feel sweat starting to trickle down my 
back. Remembering that I wanted to touch her, I slid my hands
back to her hips and began to massage her hipbones.

"Yes," she growled and began to move her hips in earnest. 

I couldn't hold back any longer. I began to pump into her
furiously, my hands still clutching at her hips. Everything 
became a fog. I wasn't sure if I was yelling, or she was yelling;
maybe we both were. It seemed like my whole body was coming.
I was shuddering from head to foot and I could feel Scully's
muscles rippling around my cock. She was coming again! That
realization sent another surge through my already exhausted 
body. After that I only vaguely remembered collapsing to the 
bed and bringing Scully with me.

I'm not sure how long we lay there, but it was several minutes
before I had the strength to open my eyes. I pulled her closer
and began to kiss her neck.

"Mmm," she sighed and wiggled against me.

"I'm afraid that won't work," I chuckled. "I'll need at least
half an hour."

"I wasn't doing *that*," she sighed. "Just snuggling."

"Snuggling is good," I lowered my lips to her ear. "How about 
we do it under the covers? I know for a fact that the sheets 
are clean."

"Not for long, I'm guessing," she laughed.

"About half an hour," I reminded her. "Well, half and hour and 
ten minutes, if I'm lucky," I added.

"Why are you worried about how long it lasts, Mulder?" Scully
crawled to the head of the bed to get under the covers.

"I want it to be good for you," I explained as I joined her.

"Did you get the impression somewhere that I wasn't enjoying
myself?" She looked at me in surprise.

"No," I laughed. "Quite the opposite, in fact."

"Quite," she grinned. "So why are you worrying? Even if I 
hadn't come when we were making love, you made sure I did 
before."

"I guess it's a male ego thing," I shrugged.

"Will it make you're male ego happy to know that I've never 
come that hard before in my life?" She snuggled up to me again.

"The first time or the second time?"

"Yes," she chuckled.

"Really?" I was very proud of myself.

"Really," she murmured.

"If you remind me about that in half an hour it will make more
than my ego very happy," I squeezed her tightly.

"Okay," she giggled.

"And half an hour will give us just enough time," I reached for
the remote on my nightstand.

"Enough time for what?"

"It's 7 o'clock, Scully. Time for 'Friends'," I grinned.

"What?" She sat up quickly and stared at me in shock.

"I've watched this show for a long time, Scully," I confessed.
"I just didn't want the Three Stooges to know that."

"Oh," she sighed and collapsed against me. "Thank God."

"I've never felt compelled to watch it before," I continued, "But 
it has many redeeming qualities," I tried to sound serious.

"Redeeming qualities?" Scully snorted. "Like what? Breasts and
erect nipples?"

"Well -- yeah."

"At least you're honest about it." She snuggled closer to me,
laying her head on my chest. "Is it okay if I take a nap while 
you watch?"

"If you like," I shrugged. "But it is "The Shower Massager" 
episode."

My tantalizing tone of voice must not have been enough for her,
because her breathing became shallow and I knew she was already
asleep. Reaching for the remote, I quickly flicked off the TV.
I had something far more special to watch.

end

Please send feedback to ardywyn@hotmail.com